EVEN NOW.

(the true point of me writing this blog begins at the "But")

Today I was driving, well, earlier I had been listening to this one cd, but then I couldn't find it. When I got to the church to do some work, I put in one and just listened. It was a Justin Rizzo Onething DVD I put onto a cd. plus "Saviour King"

But I became addicted this morning to the first little Rizzo song on there and its kind of a spontaneous "You Reign" part.. and I just was so stirred by it and just exploded with PRAISE to Him.

But as I was driving it was like each time I heard it I got new revelation. I was driving, almost time for work, and I just felt the sun so bright on my face and it was just amazing, I love Him loving on me! I love Him calling me clean and bright and I love His brightness and the sun shining warm upon my face. It's so amazing when He does that and you KNOW its Him.

Well I after I got to work, my boss had me go to the post office. I am so thankful for those opportunities to get out of the office. I ABSOLUTELY HATE COUNTRY MUSIC. (for a continuation of this that I ranted about music, go below. I cut it out because it wasn't where i was going, but i did put it at the end of this blog.)

But I popped in this same cd, and there's a part in this song that says :"Around Your throne, around Your throne even now, God, Around Your throne, around Your throne even now, twenty-four elders, four living creatures, gathered around Your throne even now, singing holy holy holy, holy holy holy is the One upon the throne. Even now, around Your throne, twenty-four elders, four living creatures, crying holy. holy, crying holy is the Lord."

And you know... it's so TRUE. As I was driving I began to have that revelation. EVEN NOW. THIS VERY MOMENT. NIGHT AND DAY THEY SING. And they HAVE sang! Even now, with all of this garbage, business, and heaviness on this earth, with everything going on, with everyone with their problems, that make it seem like the earth should just STOP until you catch your breath, with all the disappointments, with all the heartbreaks, with all the births and the deaths.. with all the happiness and joys and all the perversions and all the injustices and all the wrong-doings and the wicked prospering, and the wicked perishing, with people getting away with heinous sin, with the world ticking ticking ticking with the righteous falling, and the Godly compromising and settling..

THEY SING.

THEY SING!

THEY SING.

and they don't stop.

It's so amazing to me. They don't even give a crap about what is going on on this earth, all their focus is on IS ON HIM. It makes everything thats going on, even the most amazing and joyous... it makes it seem like NOTHING. because what they are doing IS the meaning of it all.

While we search for our lives to have meaning, while we do this and we do that and everything else... They sing. EVEN NOW. EVEN NOW. EVEN NOW. Nothing breaks their song. EVEN NOW THEY SING.

EVEN NOW THEY SING.

THE PRAISE NEVER STOPS RISING, NO MATTER WHAT TRAVESTY IS GOING ON ON THIS FILTHY EARTH!!! It all seems so futile and meaningless when you think about that!

When they're singing that EVEN NOW, AND ALWAYS, I ask yourself.. what are you giving yourself to thats completely POINTLESS? POOINNNTLESSSSS???? come on. I challenge you. :-)

(THIS IS WHERE THE BREAK BEGAN AT THE TOP OF THE PAGE WHEN MY RANT STARTED THAT I HAD TO CUT OUT AND PASTE HERE SINCE IT DIDNT GO ALONG WITH MY BLOG.. WELL I GUESS IT DOES... TO A CERTAIN DEGREE.. WITH THE WHOLE POINTLESS THING)

-----

music rant.:

[County Music] IS THE DUMBEST THING ON THIS PLANET, and I don't know how ANYONE listens to anything but at LEAST watered down "Christian" music- after being in an atmosphere of Him and His throne, I really seriously do not know how anyone who's experienced His presence can listen to garbage, I don't care who its by or what the stupid song is. I don't NEED anything but this. Plain and simple. I'm not looking for anything else, I have it. And i don't know, why would you want to go anywhere else for anything else. If you already have it... why would you go looking at an outside source for a certain feeling or emotion a certian type of music or band provokes (believe me, I was there) or for "inspiration" or whatever. I think we all know by now that it doesn't take listening to some band for inspiration to blast off. I know there's enternainment but WHEN will we grow up...its like it keeps going back and forth and back and forth. Just make a decision!!!!!!!!!! Either we throw out all our movies and music that doesn't please God, and then after a few months of that we get them right back out again and stuff, and keep going through the same crazy cycle.. or we just grow some faith and a face like flint and actually do what we SET OUT TO DO. ughhh.

crap in, crap out. mediocrity in, mediocrity out. "just a little bit" in... "just a little bit" out. pointlessness in... pointlessness out. Come on guys, CORN teaches us this process!!!! (haha.. ew..lol) but really! I dont care how whatever it is.

I guess it all has to do what you're after. and its a hard pill to swallow, but its true. You can tell me you know what you're doing all you want, and you're completely after Him and you understand all that,and that its unfair to say you aren't completely after the things of Him and His heart if you listen to that stuff, but let's be real. ITS NOT FAIR-- TO HIM!@ ITS NOT UNFAIR TO YOU! I wish we would all just grow HIS HEART.

When we do this cycle we obviously aren't getting something from Him right now that we ARE from whatever we're listening to. I mean, thats the obvious reason, right?

So I challenge you today, search your heart and ASK yourself WHAT am I getting from this that i'm not getting from God right now? What am I getting from this music? WHY do I listen to it? what are the reasons?

It's completely pointless.

A Comment from Hannah Rene:

I don't know....its such a battle between the MUSIC....my gosh, one day all I want is throneroom and then the next i am listening to the emotional feel-good stuff. WHY. I know its because I do get something from that that Im not currently getting from Him, but WHY, when He can SO outdo the world! I just wish He could blow us away to the point that we take one look or listen at the former things and feel like throwing up. But that leaves me hopeless, because He has done that before, and where am I now? Back where I started. Is NOTHING MEANT TO LAST?! I just want something that doesn't fade!!! He HAS blown ME away to the point I did not want ANYTHING of the world. But why did it fade and now I'm back listening to music that sounds so incredible but isn't really doing much for my spirit. ...It's CONSTANTLY a battle for me... I honestly do not believe that there is anything wrong with that music (the kind that's sort of just "there" ...) but WHAT IS IT DOING for me? That's the question I need to ask. More important what IS IT DOING FOR HIM and for eternity. I hate to think that every song I listen to like that could be ...a brick on my mansion, or just a waste of precious time. IT'S SO HARD TO BE FOCUSED. Esp. when everyone around you is in the same place you are. Wishing they could focus. That stuff sounds so good...but so does the throneroom. WAYYYY BETTER. I think if we could be willing to lay down the earthly sounds even for a period of time, we could access the throneroom on a different level and bring heaven to earth that doesn't outdo the world with THE WORLD'S OWN SOUNDS, but out-does the world with COMBATTING, with the contrast, the opposite, HEAVEN'S SOUNDS. You can't beat the world by taking worldly things and twisting them into "Christian" that just sucks and you look like a loser. But let me tell you ...heaven can so outdo the world.
AHHHH

You can make me like You

("Take me to that place, Lord, to that secret place where I can be with You, and You can make me like You!"-----> full lyrics at bottom, after scripture references.)

(this was written back when I was still saying "freaking"... ha..)

There's a desperation inside of me that longs to be like Him.
Not the desperation for man to see or for the motives of man.
But to be like Him. For His purposes. And when that happens... You will automatically be used. in people's lives. By Him. For Him.

It's like.. I need it so bad. Or I know I'll die.

I don't want to be anything else but so with His heart and so completely soaring. I want my face to shine it, I want my talk to preach it, I want my actions to show it, and I want my heart to love it.

I don't know how many times I've said it. But its because I can't get out of this. I don't want out of it.

I love this source. This great source of strength. This source of who I am. If I don't so deeply penetrate the heart of the Father with my love for Him... if I don't so ravishingly exemplify and show and completely pierce the darkness of the room I walk in and completely show who I am in Him just by His presence on me... then I don't want to be me. If it became impossible for me to do that and impossible for Him to ever do that in me... then I don't want this. I don't want any of it. Because its pointless. I know "all striving ceases" and yes thats true to a certain degree. But if I've come as far as I can go, then its pointless. If I've lived almost 21 years and this is where I stop, I'd rather not have any of it. Yes it may sound foolish. But I CANT STAY HERE.

I'm sure people told Joseph that it was stupid and foolish for him to want them to take his bones out of Egypt and into the promised land. but HE COULDNT STAY THERE. not even if he was dead and dry! He wouldn't even let his BONES rot there in the land full of dead and chains and spiritually dark people. HIS BONES.. thats how serious he was. and its how serious I am.

I will NOT stay here. I am growing and I will continue to grow. I will NOT stay here. if I stay here it's a waste of my time. I will NOT settle. I will NOT compromise. I will not settle for anything less than what my heart is crying out for. Than the WAY HE MADE ME. TO HAVE SO MUCH MORE OF HIM! I will NOT settle for less of Him and more of whatever the heck it is I think i want to do in this life. what the heck ever.

(Gen. 50:25, Exodus 3:19, Joshua 4:32, Hebrews 11:22)

Joseph KNEW God was going to take his people out and into the promised land. He didn't care when it was, he just knew he had to go. He couldn't stay there, dead or alive.

I mean, I want SO MUCH OF HIM that even my very smile reflects it. I want to reflect so much purity and cleanliness and whiteness that its so bright...that it is completely bright and so THERE.

I want it not just for "selfish reasons".. I want it so i can be completely used. Every single moment. Every single second. Every time lately I've opened my mouth and began to speak, I am astonished at where I've come from. He has trained me, He has helped me so much. but it is ONLY FOR HIS GLORY, and ONLY FOR THE KINGDOM. I cannot speak with the tongues of heirarchy, I would only sound foolish! I cannot lingo with the rest of them with speech that sounds wise and words that demonstrate knowledge and a clear mind and tongue. I cannot. I CANNOT. Because I cannot eloquently state what He has done for me in my life. It's brutal- brutal to the kingdom of darkness. Sure I can sit down and write and tell. But it's never enough. Its NEVER enough to just explain. But He has given me WORDS. He has given me words! I can speak in the way He wants me to speak! It's nothing that I "know"! It's all Him and I give Him all the glory for changing me in the secret place just as He has promised. I DONT WANT TO STAY THE SAME! and to be honest I very well could! But I DO NOT WANT TO!

I want this community to seek the kingdom of heaven so bad. I want to go forth and completely wreck people's hearts with the love of Jesus. I was talking with a friend today and I'm completely pumped up but also a little bit contemplative because it's like HOW GOD, we've soaked up SO much of You and Your presence, and now its TIME to go out and just stop whatever... and I'm sitting here WITH His presence and WITH His likeness and yes He's using me but not the capacity I WANT, AND not corperately for this city. How many times can you pray for breakthrough and pray to break this spiritual stronghold and that one before you just get SICK of it and so does God! Just go out, you've prayed for their hearts already! They're yours, they're ready for me, just goooo they're waiting for my love!

and thats the thing. We've got to USE whats inside of us. Otherwise we WILL be getting all of this while looking inward. And thats not what this blog is about- I know it sounds like a lot about me, but really..

I can't go on without more. But I can't go on WITH more if we don't get off our butts coorperately and GO. where's the heart anymore? Mines right where it was. The only difference is... its larger, stronger, and more like Him.

FACE LIKE FLINT.

But to wrap all of this up, I've been thinking and reading a lot lately about in Psalms and Isaiah and Jeremiah how they all talk about the wicked prospering and the righteous perishing.. and sometimes I can't help but wonder that too. I can't help it. But I'm always brought back to this: Jeremiah 12:(read it at the bottom)

Jeremiah is sitting there complaining about it all. His heart is hurt, and rightfully so. We see it happening before our eyes in America, the big wigs, in the world, with poverty, with people so desperate for Him and all it just gets shoved in their face for being righteous because at the end of the day they have no stinking food to even go the next day and seek Him. (But YES He does provide miraculously.)

But its those ironies of life. "It's a WHY GOD thing. Why do I keep getting SHOVED BACK when YOU SAID that you were going to keep me on a FIRM FOOTING and not let me have to start all freakin' over and here I AM. WHAT THE HECK ARE YOU GOING TO DO WITH YOUR SERVENT NOW??"

But this..THIS is our answer from OUR GOD. OUR GOD IS FAITHFUL!!!:
first off He starts out in verse 5 saying Okay, this is how it will benefit you: your talk is cheap, buddy, and you say you are so strong in Me, but look, your whining about this! if you are worn our from racing with men, how will you ever race with horses and chariots and defeat them!? how is there even any competition there? if you are stumbling in this seeminly easy land I've given you, how in the world are you going to walk through the thickets and the brush and the mud and the gunk thats to come?? GROW FREAKIN' UP!!!!!!"

and verse 14-17 it says He only lets the wicked prosper for a season, and its FOR HIS GLORY!!! its for HIS GLORY!! because then since theyve had so much, when they begin to have very little and be stripped of their land... there's where God steps in and restores them. He restores them and there they are. they learn to be His. its for His glory.

One thing's for sure: I am after His heart! I am after it and I am determined to have it.its a great place to be... but you can't force yourself there. you have to WANT IT.

Here is Job 23:10-12.

10 But he knows the way that I take;
when he has tested me, I will come forth as gold.

11 My feet have closely followed his steps;
I have kept to his way without turning aside.

12 I have not departed from the commands of his lips;
I have treasured the words of his mouth more than my daily bread

Jeremiah 12
Jeremiah's Complaint
1 You are always righteous, O LORD,
when I bring a case before you.
Yet I would speak with you about your justice:
Why does the way of the wicked prosper?
Why do all the faithless live at ease?

2 You have planted them, and they have taken root;
they grow and bear fruit.
You are always on their lips
but far from their hearts.

3 Yet you know me, O LORD;
you see me and test my thoughts about you.
Drag them off like sheep to be butchered!
Set them apart for the day of slaughter!

4 How long will the land lie parched [a]
and the grass in every field be withered?
Because those who live in it are wicked,
the animals and birds have perished.
Moreover, the people are saying,
"He will not see what happens to us."

God's Answer
5 "If you have raced with men on foot
and they have worn you out,
how can you compete with horses?
If you stumble in safe country, [b]
how will you manage in the thickets by [c] the Jordan?

6 Your brothers, your own family—
even they have betrayed you;
they have raised a loud cry against you.
Do not trust them,
though they speak well of you.

7 "I will forsake my house,
abandon my inheritance;
I will give the one I love
into the hands of her enemies.

8 My inheritance has become to me
like a lion in the forest.
She roars at me;
therefore I hate her.

9 Has not my inheritance become to me
like a speckled bird of prey
that other birds of prey surround and attack?
Go and gather all the wild beasts;
bring them to devour.

10 Many shepherds will ruin my vineyard
and trample down my field;
they will turn my pleasant field
into a desolate wasteland.

11 It will be made a wasteland,
parched and desolate before me;
the whole land will be laid waste
because there is no one who cares.

12 Over all the barren heights in the desert
destroyers will swarm,
for the sword of the LORD will devour
from one end of the land to the other;
no one will be safe.

13 They will sow wheat but reap thorns;
they will wear themselves out but gain nothing.
So bear the shame of your harvest
because of the LORD's fierce anger."

14 This is what the LORD says: "As for all my wicked neighbors who seize the inheritance I gave my people Israel, I will uproot them from their lands and I will uproot the house of Judah from among them. 15 But after I uproot them, I will again have compassion and will bring each of them back to his own inheritance and his own country. 16 And if they learn well the ways of my people and swear by my name, saying, 'As surely as the LORD lives'-even as they once taught my people to swear by Baal—then they will be established among my people. 17 But if any nation does not listen, I will completely uproot and destroy it," declares the LORD.

By Michael Gungor

There is a God who loves me
Who wraps me in His arms
That is the place where I'm changed
That is where I belong

Take me to that place Lord
To that secret place where
I can be with You
You can make me like You
Wrap me in Your arms
Wrap me in Your arms
Wrap me in Your arms

There is a God who loves me
Who wraps me in His arms

A song only the redeemed can sing

August 24, 2008 - Sunday

A song only the redeemed can sing I can't help but write a blog about this song. This song is so amazing. It's so my heart. It sounds like some of the language I use in some of my songs.. (not the minor sound, though..) (*** FULL LYRICS POSTED BELOW 1 PET. VERSE) (SONG BY KRISTENE MUELLER. GO TO MY MYSPACE TO LISTEN TO THE SONG AND TO LINK TO HER MYSPACE.) I just love every single word. I love that it's so true that We DO sing songs the angels only dream of singing. I listen to it (go listen to it while you read!) I listen to it and I picture.. well, myself... I picture me coming from the fire. In slow-motion, Mission Impossible style. Or like my buddies Shadrack Meshack and Abednigo. But I do. I picture such a ransomed.. me in all of these lyrics, in the whole song. Because.. "I know what it means!" (part of the lyrics.) I see myself outside in that storm it talks about... and it just stops. And my head open to heaven. Oh so glorious! Some times I guess I wonder in my head... what would it be like to not be the fallen race? To be an angel created by God for God (which, I mean, we were created by God and for God..) but you know what I mean? To live an existence in heaven. And to make war for His peoples. And I know angels have fallen and did fall- I get that, but we are the fallen race. We don't live an existence in heaven. We are here. we are now. And He died for us. He DIED for us. And we have been redeemed. And the angels look on us in awe at the way we worship Him. At the fact that we HAVE been redeemed. and CAN be redeemed. But they look and they see something... a relationship that is so uniquely different than the one they can have. We fight and we charge and we make it and we press through with hardships and with joys and with life. We pray and we cry and we weep and we laugh. And here we are. They are watching, with all who have gone before us, "What are they going to do now?" (1 Peter 1:6-8... posted below.) I quoted it before i knew where it was... lol.. wow. We sing the songs of His faithfulness and His great love and redemption. And we can. because we know what it means. We know what the redemption means. Because We've been redeemed. We've been REDEEMED. RANSOMED. We are His TREASURE. His treasured church. Hallelujah! the song of the storm ceasing.. the song of the dawn breaking...the song of us coming up out of death- we were once DEAD and if He can save us from DEATH and HELL than He can freakin' make us like Him more and more with each passing day! Than He can surely aid is in the fight against lukewarmness! Against being comfy cosy in our graveclothes! Some of you still find the old life you left behind attractive! No you canNOT change the past. But why talk about how glorious it is/was? Do you not believe in your own salvation? Even the ANGELS cant sing the songs of salvation!! the song of my last tear falling.. the song of my rescue coming... the song of the undefeated lover coming forth from the fire... I will NOT be defeated in my love for Him. The fire and the flames, they will not quench me. They will not dy me up, pass me out, barbecue me, they will not snuff me out. Because I AM an undefeated LOVER because He has saved me from HELL and the grave! He has taken the hell that satan would have loved to put INSIDE of me and He allowed it not to enter my heart! He took me out of hell and hell out of me! Some of you need a fresh revelation because do you get it? WE ARE HIS PEOPLE. we ARE HIS PEOPLE. HE SINGS SONGS OF SALVATION OVER US! suffering making love genuine sorrow making joy reckless losing making finding glorious. Oh how He loves you so. Oh how He loves us so! It never freakin' ends!! It's like an earthquake inside all of us. Will you let it shake you? Will you let yourself LOOK and appear to the world "dumb enough" to "shake" as with the effects of that earthquake exploding inside of you? Will you let your appearance just GO and take hold of the beauty He has in His hand for you? You are a beautiful creation even the angels marvel at you, human! and you were made a step lower from the angels! Is it not enough? What more could you ask for?? The beauty is already there. DON'T STIFLE IT. Get the picture. And sing the song only you were meant to sing!! 1 Peter 1:6-12 So be truly glad.[b] There is wonderful joy ahead, even though you have to endure many trials for a little while. 7 These trials will show that your faith is genuine. It is being tested as fire tests and purifies gold—though your faith is far more precious than mere gold. So when your faith remains strong through many trials, it will bring you much praise and glory and honor on the day when Jesus Christ is revealed to the whole world. 8 You love him even though you have never seen him. Though you do not see him now, you trust him; and you rejoice with a glorious, inexpressible joy. 9 The reward for trusting him will be the salvation of your souls. 10 This salvation was something even the prophets wanted to know more about when they prophesied about this gracious salvation prepared for you. 11 They wondered what time or situation the Spirit of Christ within them was talking about when he told them in advance about Christ's suffering and his great glory afterward. 12 They were told that their messages were not for themselves, but for you. And now this Good News has been announced to you by those who preached in the power of the Holy Spirit sent from heaven. It is all so wonderful that even the angels are eagerly watching these things happen. Lyrics. BY KRISTENE MUELLER. LINK TO HER MYSPACE ON MY MYSPACE PROFILE SONG. There is a song I will sing that angels only dream of singing a song that moves the heart of God that only the redeemed can sing a song of the storm ceasing a song of the dawn breaking a song of the undeafeted soul coming forth from the grave its a song of my last tear falling a song of my rescue coming a song of the undefeated lover coming forth from the fire and i will sing of Your great faithfulness I KNOW i will sing of Your salvation and i will sing of the power of redemption for I know i will know what it means suffering making love genuine sorrow making joy reckless losing making finding glorious the song of the storm ceasing the song of the dawn breaking the song of the undefeated soul coming forth from the grave its a song of my last tear falling a song of my rescue coming a song of the undefeated lover coming forth from the fire I love singing of His great faithfulness!! He is so faithful!!

Unfailing love and Faithfulness- the Likeness.

Unfailing love and Faithfulness- the Likeness.


(if you dont read anything else, at least read the very bottom where it says "what is the likeness of Jesus after all?")

Not only do I want the extravagant purity and "clean" of Mary (mother of Jesus), as far as her heart, but I also want the heart of Mary- sitting at His feet where all motives of the heart are exposed. Where manipulation can't happen. Because you're simply there. Hearing Him.
I want to be so baptised. I was praying all day, God baptise me. I want His faithfulness. I want His unfailing love. As you notice in scripture, wherever scripture talks about His "unfailing love", it talks about His "faithfulness". and vice versa! Really check it out. (PSALMS 89!!!---->at the end of the last blog posted, you can read it there.) He bears both and NEVER one or the other! He bears both. God let me be infused with-so-I-can-give-away UNFAILING LOVE AANNDDD FAITHFULNESS! AND DONT YOU DARE LET ME HAVE ONE WITHOUT THE OTHER!!! Take verse 6 as an example (Proverbs 20:5-8) 5 The purposes of a man's heart are deep waters,
but a man of understanding draws them out.

6 Many a man claims to have unfailing love,
but a faithful man who can find?

7 The righteous man leads a blameless life;
blessed are his children after him.

So many times we have the unfailing love-- that part's from God-- but the faithfulness is a choice sometimes. Okay, always. The heart of the Father is to LOVE US. HE CANT HELP IT. YES, HE CHOOSES TO BUT HE WILL NEVER STOP LOVING! AND HE CHOOSES TO BE FAITHFUL!
But for us... God can infuse us with such unfailing love that it captivates us so completely. But unless we have the guts to choose faithfulness...nothing will ever be accomplished with that unfailing love.
It has NOTHING to do with "overcoming the flesh" (well, at least the way I see it, and the way I think anyone who reads this would understand.) I think it has less to do with overcoming the flesh and more with... it's just LIFE. Fear of change, maybe, when it'll never change what God has placed inside of you-- who you TRULY are. You won't be watered down. you wont be turned into some overspiritualized border line new age hippy. you wont 'lose' freedom. You'll just be His and He will be pouring out of you. and THAT will make you WRECKED- but COMPLETELY YOUUUUUU!!!
It'll all be enhanced when you're staring at Him holding your heart there with His unfailing love. If He's rescued you, ransomed you... thats it. You're YOU. You ARE how He sees you and you're closer and closer to that EVERY SINGLE DAY. nothing's gonna change that. Except the world, maybe.

His faithfulness and unfailing love are SO GREAT. I can't even believe it. I want to be found FAITHFUL in the unfailing love He's given me. I don't want to lie, I want TRUTH in the inward parts! He desires it from me, and I WILL give it to Him.


What is the likeness of Jesus, after all? CLEAN. white as snow. Unfailing love and faithfulness.
He claims to have the unfailing love. And He proves it with His faithfulness. (Prov. 20:6 turned around!) CLEAN. CLEAN. CLEAN. what's clean, you ask? He'll tell you.
Let it start with your eyes.

Liepaja....

What do you even call this? (somewhat about the trip, aka my heart)

I have no idea what to write. I have no idea what to say. Or do.

Liepaja was amazing, and I HATE that I'm writing that because it sounds just like every other trip every other person would write about.

There are no words to describe the past two weeks.

All I know is God gave me much grace over there and He used me. HE USED ME!

I WILL say it all became like 1 Cor. 13. When we took off from Orlando, thats what came to my head. Because a tthe end of 1 Cor 13 it states how Love lasts forever and even words of knowledge and wisdom are USELESS when the full picture comes and when all the little words and prophecies and what have you come together to create the finality of it. To create the big picture. and thats what i felt taking off. I felt like the past year of preparation and meetings and prayer and money didnt even happen because here we go, we are GOING. I felt like none of that even mattered now because WE ARE GOING. it was a perfect example of how true that verse is. all the little pieces to the picture that were scattered throughout the past year finally came together as a whole- so all the little things disappear. all you see is the whole. HERE WE GO.

I have no idea why I'm even writing this, I really don't. I just want to get out in some form what this trip was. But I truly don't think I'll ever be able to do that.

"We speak to nations, the Kingdom is coming there to you.."

Wow. The Kingdom is in Liepaja, Latvia.

the Kingdom IS Imanuels Kristigais Centrs.

and it IS in the Russian Orthodox Church, they just don't know it yet.

We did it. We did what we set out and accomplished to do. No matter what it looked like. We did it. We actually did it. I want so much more. I crave so much more. I long for so much more.

I could sit here and write all about what God revealed to me about the language and all that stuff, and how God used me personally and what I saw come from our team and what I saw in our wonderful Liepajans and how God used them and how God changed us and changed them and allll that stuff and salvation testimonies and healings and God's presence.

But right now, I just want to be there.

Right now I just want to remember.
I might feel like writing it in a week or so when I have had time to process everything. I just can't do it right now. There's so much I dont know where to begin. and its NOT jhust because it's my "first mission trip"--- thats not why I'm being like this. Because I will NEVER LET MY LAMP GROW COLD AND DIM. I will never NOT be like this. I will never not come back to America from a trip or from living abroad and be like this. How can I not? Even though it's somewhat agony, I pray the Lord never takes it away. Because it's part of why He CAN use me over there if that makes any sense to you in the world.

God is so gracious.

The face of persuit...

The face of persuit

if you're going to read this, read all the way through. If you have to, print it out. But please, don't just stop in the middle and not read the whole thing. if you're going to read any of it, read all of it.

In 1st Samuel, Hannah is greatly desiring a child. And she knows that this child will be used by GOD and that NOTHING can stop how God is going to use him. But the problem is, she's waited and waited and waited for that day of conception... but she has not been able to conceive.
She knew before Samuel was even born that he was going to be dedicated to God. She vowed to God that she would MAKE SURE that he would be His.
So we know the travailing that she went through. She fasted and prayed and travailed and went into deep sorrow.
But when her son Samuel came about... all those years of waiting... didn't even matter.

Years and years of barrenness mean ABSOLUTELY NOTHING when you're staring at a child on the day it's born! (As I said in the last blog I wrote.) You will NEVER go back to that day because there you are, holding that child in your hand! It is absolutely amazing and astounding to me... that years of wilderness and barrenness and wastefulness...can disappear at the srop of a hat. God placed that desire in her because He needed a righteous servant. I picture Samuel and I picture a man of such authority... the authority to revoke and establish power from kings! SAMUEL was the REAL picture of establishing God's KINGDOM on the earth! He was obedient to the Lord He had grown up for. If Hannah had not travailed and weeped and mourned for a child without that strong desire for one, who knows what would have happened to Samuel, and eventually, to Isreal? It hurt Hannah for years that she did not have a child. But Hannah was a part of something BIGGER THAN HERSELF, WAYYY bigger than a woman just getting her promise. He planted that seed, that desire, that convenential promise in her for a child because He had to have someone so hungry for for their promise that they had no choice but to DEDICATE IT TO GOD and not man, not idols, not the earth, but to God. What grace, what thankfulness.
It was the strong desire God put in her for a child AND her barrenness that worked TOGETHER to make SAMUEL the man he was!!!!! It hurt Hannah to have that STRONG, SPIRITUAL, MOTHERLY desire and not be able to conceive- something that since birth her body had been made for, preparing for, SUPPOSED to do. But if she hadn't had that strong desire, that seed... plus the barrenness... would she have asked God to bring her a child if she already had many? Who would get credit for Samuel's birth? and therefore... who would he have been dedicated to? And who would have been the righteous judge?

We are bigger than ourselves. The reason we do things has to search throughout this generation and other generations, the nations, and come back to us as a BIG AS GOD deal....

and the whole "don't wait to do this or do that because life is short" yes that has some meaning but really, seriously... cut off the sentimentality crap and realize you're here for more than living life to the fullest and more than "i could die any day" and "i cant get tim back that i've lost." I know we aren't promised tomorrow but really, seriously... People think they're so deep saying that stuff and "I've gotta do what I can NOW or live life to the fullest because I could die any day and I can't wait for this or that to happen" but break off that spirit of the world because that is going to be a great pitfall if you buy into that... HE doesn't know what a clock is and what a calender is and what yours says and where you have to be.

His timing is everything, although time means nothing to Him.
And if you've spent time waiting on Him or even just watching Him work out opportunities that you didn't feel like you had for your school, your work, your life... that time is NOT wasted because HE was working and don't give into that lie from the world that its wasted time... Seeds have to be planted, watered...

He makes all things beautiful just in time...

Even though, you know, Jesus had probably passed by the crippled man at the gate beautiful (which translates to "RIGHT TIME GATE") --- and I love this, this is from Dutch Sheets--- that was NOT wasted time he sat out there begging as people went into the temple. Even if Jesus had passed by him. He could have healed him if He wanted to, but what Dutch says... is he thinks Jesus thought, "Im saving this for my baby church!"
and so PETER passed by and HEALED the man. All those days of sitting out there were INSIGNIFICANT at that point on, at that moment, because HE WASN'T LAME ANY MORE!!! and THAT opened an opportunity for Peter to open up his mouth and PREACH! AND THERE WAS A HARVEST! It wasn't wasted time, it wasn't that Jesus had wasted time because we could look at it is, Oh, He could have used that opportunity to heal the man and He would have had more people believe He was the Son of God. No, that was NOT a wasted opportunity or wasted time or something that He should have done because "you'll never get the time back".

SEEE how we can get caught up in that sentimentality when God is trying to desperately do something and show us something!!!!

the world longs for "deepness" and so they say something that makes sense in their own eyes, but God is calling us to HIS harvest, as harvest hands, and when they're ready, they're ready....

Yesterday Chels and I went out to eat after church... we got in the car... thought, "we should go to chinese" but then we decided not to. We then decided to go to Caffe Chocolat. But it was closed. tried 3 other places. ALL CLOSED ON SUNDAYS! So we went to chinese. So we walk in and see the Sr. Hackenbergs, and then Jeff and Mark (Swallow). We were seated in the booth right behind/infront of Jeff and Mark. So that was funny... by the time we got our 2nd plates, we came back to our table, and Mark was sitting at the booth across from ours with a woman and her teen daughter.... the daughter had some sort of mental disability, all the signs of a stroke. He looks up at us and says "I NEED YOU." and he wants to pray over her and have me and chels lay hands on her. (the mom agreed to prayer).

So we did and I tell you what. The mother's face went from sunken in to tears in her eyes and lifted. it was so awesome. We got back to the table and chelsea wept but all I could do was laugh. We didn't even want to touch our food... THAT IS WHAT ITS ABOUT. Everything else became worthless!! WORTHLESS!! I was laughing because THAT IS WHAT HE IS SEEKING AFTER! OBEDIENCE!!!!! ITS SO STINKING SIMPLE!!!

You've GOT to hear the Spirit and OBEY because its different than at school and the workplace---those people are around you long enough to kind of get a sense of who you are- even if they dont really know you- like, with me, people came up to me all the time and just wanted someone to listen!!! not always shove advice but listen! but they did always love advice--- because I had taken the time to get to the heart of the issue and listen without interjecting that I thought just because "I've heard this before.." you know? but its different than that, at school and work people might come up to you but we HAVE to start excercising the Spirit and what He is saying because WE HAVE GOT TO MAKE A MOVE and approach!!!

Even if you're afraid to, especially in Latvia because of the language barriers... but if the Holy Spirit is guiding you, the ONLY LANGUAGE you will need is THE LANGUAGE OF HEAVEN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

But we were there at the RIGHT TIME!!! Mark's obedience to the Spirit opened up a pathway for US to be obedient to not only the Spirit but to a true witness of Christ.

It was perfect timing...

Even though you couldn't really tangibly see something happen except for the mother, YOU KNEW. It was just so awesome.

Here we were, we thought that we were wasting time because we were SOOO hungry and time was ticking away because we had to be back for worship practice... I think i even said something like that, "this is rediculous, we've wasted so much time!" but it was PERFECT timing!! In this whole sense I'm talking about, time is NOT WASTED, it's WEIGHED!!!!!!!

Hallelujah.

The face of persuit

if you're going to read this, read all the way through. If you have to, print it out. But please, don't just stop in the middle and not read the whole thing. if you're going to read any of it, read all of it.

In 1st Samuel, Hannah is greatly desiring a child. And she knows that this child will be used by GOD and that NOTHING can stop how God is going to use him. But the problem is, she's waited and waited and waited for that day of conception... but she has not been able to conceive.
She knew before Samuel was even born that he was going to be dedicated to God. She vowed to God that she would MAKE SURE that he would be His.
So we know the travailing that she went through. She fasted and prayed and travailed and went into deep sorrow.
But when her son Samuel came about... all those years of waiting... didn't even matter.

Years and years of barrenness mean ABSOLUTELY NOTHING when you're staring at a child on the day it's born! (As I said in the last blog I wrote.) You will NEVER go back to that day because there you are, holding that child in your hand! It is absolutely amazing and astounding to me... that years of wilderness and barrenness and wastefulness...can disappear at the srop of a hat. God placed that desire in her because He needed a righteous servant. I picture Samuel and I picture a man of such authority... the authority to revoke and establish power from kings! SAMUEL was the REAL picture of establishing God's KINGDOM on the earth! He was obedient to the Lord He had grown up for. If Hannah had not travailed and weeped and mourned for a child without that strong desire for one, who knows what would have happened to Samuel, and eventually, to Isreal? It hurt Hannah for years that she did not have a child. But Hannah was a part of something BIGGER THAN HERSELF, WAYYY bigger than a woman just getting her promise. He planted that seed, that desire, that convenential promise in her for a child because He had to have someone so hungry for for their promise that they had no choice but to DEDICATE IT TO GOD and not man, not idols, not the earth, but to God. What grace, what thankfulness.
It was the strong desire God put in her for a child AND her barrenness that worked TOGETHER to make SAMUEL the man he was!!!!! It hurt Hannah to have that STRONG, SPIRITUAL, MOTHERLY desire and not be able to conceive- something that since birth her body had been made for, preparing for, SUPPOSED to do. But if she hadn't had that strong desire, that seed... plus the barrenness... would she have asked God to bring her a child if she already had many? Who would get credit for Samuel's birth? and therefore... who would he have been dedicated to? And who would have been the righteous judge?

We are bigger than ourselves. The reason we do things has to search throughout this generation and other generations, the nations, and come back to us as a BIG AS GOD deal....

and the whole "don't wait to do this or do that because life is short" yes that has some meaning but really, seriously... cut off the sentimentality crap and realize you're here for more than living life to the fullest and more than "i could die any day" and "i cant get tim back that i've lost." I know we aren't promised tomorrow but really, seriously... People think they're so deep saying that stuff and "I've gotta do what I can NOW or live life to the fullest because I could die any day and I can't wait for this or that to happen" but break off that spirit of the world because that is going to be a great pitfall if you buy into that... HE doesn't know what a clock is and what a calender is and what yours says and where you have to be.

His timing is everything, although time means nothing to Him.
And if you've spent time waiting on Him or even just watching Him work out opportunities that you didn't feel like you had for your school, your work, your life... that time is NOT wasted because HE was working and don't give into that lie from the world that its wasted time... Seeds have to be planted, watered...

He makes all things beautiful just in time...

Even though, you know, Jesus had probably passed by the crippled man at the gate beautiful (which translates to "RIGHT TIME GATE") --- and I love this, this is from Dutch Sheets--- that was NOT wasted time he sat out there begging as people went into the temple. Even if Jesus had passed by him. He could have healed him if He wanted to, but what Dutch says... is he thinks Jesus thought, "Im saving this for my baby church!"
and so PETER passed by and HEALED the man. All those days of sitting out there were INSIGNIFICANT at that point on, at that moment, because HE WASN'T LAME ANY MORE!!! and THAT opened an opportunity for Peter to open up his mouth and PREACH! AND THERE WAS A HARVEST! It wasn't wasted time, it wasn't that Jesus had wasted time because we could look at it is, Oh, He could have used that opportunity to heal the man and He would have had more people believe He was the Son of God. No, that was NOT a wasted opportunity or wasted time or something that He should have done because "you'll never get the time back".

SEEE how we can get caught up in that sentimentality when God is trying to desperately do something and show us something!!!!

the world longs for "deepness" and so they say something that makes sense in their own eyes, but God is calling us to HIS harvest, as harvest hands, and when they're ready, they're ready....

Yesterday Chels and I went out to eat after church... we got in the car... thought, "we should go to chinese" but then we decided not to. We then decided to go to Caffe Chocolat. But it was closed. tried 3 other places. ALL CLOSED ON SUNDAYS! So we went to chinese. So we walk in and see the Sr. Hackenbergs, and then Jeff and Mark (Swallow). We were seated in the booth right behind/infront of Jeff and Mark. So that was funny... by the time we got our 2nd plates, we came back to our table, and Mark was sitting at the booth across from ours with a woman and her teen daughter.... the daughter had some sort of mental disability, all the signs of a stroke. He looks up at us and says "I NEED YOU." and he wants to pray over her and have me and chels lay hands on her. (the mom agreed to prayer).

So we did and I tell you what. The mother's face went from sunken in to tears in her eyes and lifted. it was so awesome. We got back to the table and chelsea wept but all I could do was laugh. We didn't even want to touch our food... THAT IS WHAT ITS ABOUT. Everything else became worthless!! WORTHLESS!! I was laughing because THAT IS WHAT HE IS SEEKING AFTER! OBEDIENCE!!!!! ITS SO STINKING SIMPLE!!!

You've GOT to hear the Spirit and OBEY because its different than at school and the workplace---those people are around you long enough to kind of get a sense of who you are- even if they dont really know you- like, with me, people came up to me all the time and just wanted someone to listen!!! not always shove advice but listen! but they did always love advice--- because I had taken the time to get to the heart of the issue and listen without interjecting that I thought just because "I've heard this before.." you know? but its different than that, at school and work people might come up to you but we HAVE to start excercising the Spirit and what He is saying because WE HAVE GOT TO MAKE A MOVE and approach!!!

Even if you're afraid to, especially in Latvia because of the language barriers... but if the Holy Spirit is guiding you, the ONLY LANGUAGE you will need is THE LANGUAGE OF HEAVEN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

But we were there at the RIGHT TIME!!! Mark's obedience to the Spirit opened up a pathway for US to be obedient to not only the Spirit but to a true witness of Christ.

It was perfect timing...

Even though you couldn't really tangibly see something happen except for the mother, YOU KNEW. It was just so awesome.

Here we were, we thought that we were wasting time because we were SOOO hungry and time was ticking away because we had to be back for worship practice... I think i even said something like that, "this is rediculous, we've wasted so much time!" but it was PERFECT timing!! In this whole sense I'm talking about, time is NOT WASTED, it's WEIGHED!!!!!!!

Hallelujah.