EVEN NOW.

(the true point of me writing this blog begins at the "But")

Today I was driving, well, earlier I had been listening to this one cd, but then I couldn't find it. When I got to the church to do some work, I put in one and just listened. It was a Justin Rizzo Onething DVD I put onto a cd. plus "Saviour King"

But I became addicted this morning to the first little Rizzo song on there and its kind of a spontaneous "You Reign" part.. and I just was so stirred by it and just exploded with PRAISE to Him.

But as I was driving it was like each time I heard it I got new revelation. I was driving, almost time for work, and I just felt the sun so bright on my face and it was just amazing, I love Him loving on me! I love Him calling me clean and bright and I love His brightness and the sun shining warm upon my face. It's so amazing when He does that and you KNOW its Him.

Well I after I got to work, my boss had me go to the post office. I am so thankful for those opportunities to get out of the office. I ABSOLUTELY HATE COUNTRY MUSIC. (for a continuation of this that I ranted about music, go below. I cut it out because it wasn't where i was going, but i did put it at the end of this blog.)

But I popped in this same cd, and there's a part in this song that says :"Around Your throne, around Your throne even now, God, Around Your throne, around Your throne even now, twenty-four elders, four living creatures, gathered around Your throne even now, singing holy holy holy, holy holy holy is the One upon the throne. Even now, around Your throne, twenty-four elders, four living creatures, crying holy. holy, crying holy is the Lord."

And you know... it's so TRUE. As I was driving I began to have that revelation. EVEN NOW. THIS VERY MOMENT. NIGHT AND DAY THEY SING. And they HAVE sang! Even now, with all of this garbage, business, and heaviness on this earth, with everything going on, with everyone with their problems, that make it seem like the earth should just STOP until you catch your breath, with all the disappointments, with all the heartbreaks, with all the births and the deaths.. with all the happiness and joys and all the perversions and all the injustices and all the wrong-doings and the wicked prospering, and the wicked perishing, with people getting away with heinous sin, with the world ticking ticking ticking with the righteous falling, and the Godly compromising and settling..

THEY SING.

THEY SING!

THEY SING.

and they don't stop.

It's so amazing to me. They don't even give a crap about what is going on on this earth, all their focus is on IS ON HIM. It makes everything thats going on, even the most amazing and joyous... it makes it seem like NOTHING. because what they are doing IS the meaning of it all.

While we search for our lives to have meaning, while we do this and we do that and everything else... They sing. EVEN NOW. EVEN NOW. EVEN NOW. Nothing breaks their song. EVEN NOW THEY SING.

EVEN NOW THEY SING.

THE PRAISE NEVER STOPS RISING, NO MATTER WHAT TRAVESTY IS GOING ON ON THIS FILTHY EARTH!!! It all seems so futile and meaningless when you think about that!

When they're singing that EVEN NOW, AND ALWAYS, I ask yourself.. what are you giving yourself to thats completely POINTLESS? POOINNNTLESSSSS???? come on. I challenge you. :-)

(THIS IS WHERE THE BREAK BEGAN AT THE TOP OF THE PAGE WHEN MY RANT STARTED THAT I HAD TO CUT OUT AND PASTE HERE SINCE IT DIDNT GO ALONG WITH MY BLOG.. WELL I GUESS IT DOES... TO A CERTAIN DEGREE.. WITH THE WHOLE POINTLESS THING)

-----

music rant.:

[County Music] IS THE DUMBEST THING ON THIS PLANET, and I don't know how ANYONE listens to anything but at LEAST watered down "Christian" music- after being in an atmosphere of Him and His throne, I really seriously do not know how anyone who's experienced His presence can listen to garbage, I don't care who its by or what the stupid song is. I don't NEED anything but this. Plain and simple. I'm not looking for anything else, I have it. And i don't know, why would you want to go anywhere else for anything else. If you already have it... why would you go looking at an outside source for a certain feeling or emotion a certian type of music or band provokes (believe me, I was there) or for "inspiration" or whatever. I think we all know by now that it doesn't take listening to some band for inspiration to blast off. I know there's enternainment but WHEN will we grow up...its like it keeps going back and forth and back and forth. Just make a decision!!!!!!!!!! Either we throw out all our movies and music that doesn't please God, and then after a few months of that we get them right back out again and stuff, and keep going through the same crazy cycle.. or we just grow some faith and a face like flint and actually do what we SET OUT TO DO. ughhh.

crap in, crap out. mediocrity in, mediocrity out. "just a little bit" in... "just a little bit" out. pointlessness in... pointlessness out. Come on guys, CORN teaches us this process!!!! (haha.. ew..lol) but really! I dont care how whatever it is.

I guess it all has to do what you're after. and its a hard pill to swallow, but its true. You can tell me you know what you're doing all you want, and you're completely after Him and you understand all that,and that its unfair to say you aren't completely after the things of Him and His heart if you listen to that stuff, but let's be real. ITS NOT FAIR-- TO HIM!@ ITS NOT UNFAIR TO YOU! I wish we would all just grow HIS HEART.

When we do this cycle we obviously aren't getting something from Him right now that we ARE from whatever we're listening to. I mean, thats the obvious reason, right?

So I challenge you today, search your heart and ASK yourself WHAT am I getting from this that i'm not getting from God right now? What am I getting from this music? WHY do I listen to it? what are the reasons?

It's completely pointless.

A Comment from Hannah Rene:

I don't know....its such a battle between the MUSIC....my gosh, one day all I want is throneroom and then the next i am listening to the emotional feel-good stuff. WHY. I know its because I do get something from that that Im not currently getting from Him, but WHY, when He can SO outdo the world! I just wish He could blow us away to the point that we take one look or listen at the former things and feel like throwing up. But that leaves me hopeless, because He has done that before, and where am I now? Back where I started. Is NOTHING MEANT TO LAST?! I just want something that doesn't fade!!! He HAS blown ME away to the point I did not want ANYTHING of the world. But why did it fade and now I'm back listening to music that sounds so incredible but isn't really doing much for my spirit. ...It's CONSTANTLY a battle for me... I honestly do not believe that there is anything wrong with that music (the kind that's sort of just "there" ...) but WHAT IS IT DOING for me? That's the question I need to ask. More important what IS IT DOING FOR HIM and for eternity. I hate to think that every song I listen to like that could be ...a brick on my mansion, or just a waste of precious time. IT'S SO HARD TO BE FOCUSED. Esp. when everyone around you is in the same place you are. Wishing they could focus. That stuff sounds so good...but so does the throneroom. WAYYYY BETTER. I think if we could be willing to lay down the earthly sounds even for a period of time, we could access the throneroom on a different level and bring heaven to earth that doesn't outdo the world with THE WORLD'S OWN SOUNDS, but out-does the world with COMBATTING, with the contrast, the opposite, HEAVEN'S SOUNDS. You can't beat the world by taking worldly things and twisting them into "Christian" that just sucks and you look like a loser. But let me tell you ...heaven can so outdo the world.
AHHHH

You can make me like You

("Take me to that place, Lord, to that secret place where I can be with You, and You can make me like You!"-----> full lyrics at bottom, after scripture references.)

(this was written back when I was still saying "freaking"... ha..)

There's a desperation inside of me that longs to be like Him.
Not the desperation for man to see or for the motives of man.
But to be like Him. For His purposes. And when that happens... You will automatically be used. in people's lives. By Him. For Him.

It's like.. I need it so bad. Or I know I'll die.

I don't want to be anything else but so with His heart and so completely soaring. I want my face to shine it, I want my talk to preach it, I want my actions to show it, and I want my heart to love it.

I don't know how many times I've said it. But its because I can't get out of this. I don't want out of it.

I love this source. This great source of strength. This source of who I am. If I don't so deeply penetrate the heart of the Father with my love for Him... if I don't so ravishingly exemplify and show and completely pierce the darkness of the room I walk in and completely show who I am in Him just by His presence on me... then I don't want to be me. If it became impossible for me to do that and impossible for Him to ever do that in me... then I don't want this. I don't want any of it. Because its pointless. I know "all striving ceases" and yes thats true to a certain degree. But if I've come as far as I can go, then its pointless. If I've lived almost 21 years and this is where I stop, I'd rather not have any of it. Yes it may sound foolish. But I CANT STAY HERE.

I'm sure people told Joseph that it was stupid and foolish for him to want them to take his bones out of Egypt and into the promised land. but HE COULDNT STAY THERE. not even if he was dead and dry! He wouldn't even let his BONES rot there in the land full of dead and chains and spiritually dark people. HIS BONES.. thats how serious he was. and its how serious I am.

I will NOT stay here. I am growing and I will continue to grow. I will NOT stay here. if I stay here it's a waste of my time. I will NOT settle. I will NOT compromise. I will not settle for anything less than what my heart is crying out for. Than the WAY HE MADE ME. TO HAVE SO MUCH MORE OF HIM! I will NOT settle for less of Him and more of whatever the heck it is I think i want to do in this life. what the heck ever.

(Gen. 50:25, Exodus 3:19, Joshua 4:32, Hebrews 11:22)

Joseph KNEW God was going to take his people out and into the promised land. He didn't care when it was, he just knew he had to go. He couldn't stay there, dead or alive.

I mean, I want SO MUCH OF HIM that even my very smile reflects it. I want to reflect so much purity and cleanliness and whiteness that its so bright...that it is completely bright and so THERE.

I want it not just for "selfish reasons".. I want it so i can be completely used. Every single moment. Every single second. Every time lately I've opened my mouth and began to speak, I am astonished at where I've come from. He has trained me, He has helped me so much. but it is ONLY FOR HIS GLORY, and ONLY FOR THE KINGDOM. I cannot speak with the tongues of heirarchy, I would only sound foolish! I cannot lingo with the rest of them with speech that sounds wise and words that demonstrate knowledge and a clear mind and tongue. I cannot. I CANNOT. Because I cannot eloquently state what He has done for me in my life. It's brutal- brutal to the kingdom of darkness. Sure I can sit down and write and tell. But it's never enough. Its NEVER enough to just explain. But He has given me WORDS. He has given me words! I can speak in the way He wants me to speak! It's nothing that I "know"! It's all Him and I give Him all the glory for changing me in the secret place just as He has promised. I DONT WANT TO STAY THE SAME! and to be honest I very well could! But I DO NOT WANT TO!

I want this community to seek the kingdom of heaven so bad. I want to go forth and completely wreck people's hearts with the love of Jesus. I was talking with a friend today and I'm completely pumped up but also a little bit contemplative because it's like HOW GOD, we've soaked up SO much of You and Your presence, and now its TIME to go out and just stop whatever... and I'm sitting here WITH His presence and WITH His likeness and yes He's using me but not the capacity I WANT, AND not corperately for this city. How many times can you pray for breakthrough and pray to break this spiritual stronghold and that one before you just get SICK of it and so does God! Just go out, you've prayed for their hearts already! They're yours, they're ready for me, just goooo they're waiting for my love!

and thats the thing. We've got to USE whats inside of us. Otherwise we WILL be getting all of this while looking inward. And thats not what this blog is about- I know it sounds like a lot about me, but really..

I can't go on without more. But I can't go on WITH more if we don't get off our butts coorperately and GO. where's the heart anymore? Mines right where it was. The only difference is... its larger, stronger, and more like Him.

FACE LIKE FLINT.

But to wrap all of this up, I've been thinking and reading a lot lately about in Psalms and Isaiah and Jeremiah how they all talk about the wicked prospering and the righteous perishing.. and sometimes I can't help but wonder that too. I can't help it. But I'm always brought back to this: Jeremiah 12:(read it at the bottom)

Jeremiah is sitting there complaining about it all. His heart is hurt, and rightfully so. We see it happening before our eyes in America, the big wigs, in the world, with poverty, with people so desperate for Him and all it just gets shoved in their face for being righteous because at the end of the day they have no stinking food to even go the next day and seek Him. (But YES He does provide miraculously.)

But its those ironies of life. "It's a WHY GOD thing. Why do I keep getting SHOVED BACK when YOU SAID that you were going to keep me on a FIRM FOOTING and not let me have to start all freakin' over and here I AM. WHAT THE HECK ARE YOU GOING TO DO WITH YOUR SERVENT NOW??"

But this..THIS is our answer from OUR GOD. OUR GOD IS FAITHFUL!!!:
first off He starts out in verse 5 saying Okay, this is how it will benefit you: your talk is cheap, buddy, and you say you are so strong in Me, but look, your whining about this! if you are worn our from racing with men, how will you ever race with horses and chariots and defeat them!? how is there even any competition there? if you are stumbling in this seeminly easy land I've given you, how in the world are you going to walk through the thickets and the brush and the mud and the gunk thats to come?? GROW FREAKIN' UP!!!!!!"

and verse 14-17 it says He only lets the wicked prosper for a season, and its FOR HIS GLORY!!! its for HIS GLORY!! because then since theyve had so much, when they begin to have very little and be stripped of their land... there's where God steps in and restores them. He restores them and there they are. they learn to be His. its for His glory.

One thing's for sure: I am after His heart! I am after it and I am determined to have it.its a great place to be... but you can't force yourself there. you have to WANT IT.

Here is Job 23:10-12.

10 But he knows the way that I take;
when he has tested me, I will come forth as gold.

11 My feet have closely followed his steps;
I have kept to his way without turning aside.

12 I have not departed from the commands of his lips;
I have treasured the words of his mouth more than my daily bread

Jeremiah 12
Jeremiah's Complaint
1 You are always righteous, O LORD,
when I bring a case before you.
Yet I would speak with you about your justice:
Why does the way of the wicked prosper?
Why do all the faithless live at ease?

2 You have planted them, and they have taken root;
they grow and bear fruit.
You are always on their lips
but far from their hearts.

3 Yet you know me, O LORD;
you see me and test my thoughts about you.
Drag them off like sheep to be butchered!
Set them apart for the day of slaughter!

4 How long will the land lie parched [a]
and the grass in every field be withered?
Because those who live in it are wicked,
the animals and birds have perished.
Moreover, the people are saying,
"He will not see what happens to us."

God's Answer
5 "If you have raced with men on foot
and they have worn you out,
how can you compete with horses?
If you stumble in safe country, [b]
how will you manage in the thickets by [c] the Jordan?

6 Your brothers, your own family—
even they have betrayed you;
they have raised a loud cry against you.
Do not trust them,
though they speak well of you.

7 "I will forsake my house,
abandon my inheritance;
I will give the one I love
into the hands of her enemies.

8 My inheritance has become to me
like a lion in the forest.
She roars at me;
therefore I hate her.

9 Has not my inheritance become to me
like a speckled bird of prey
that other birds of prey surround and attack?
Go and gather all the wild beasts;
bring them to devour.

10 Many shepherds will ruin my vineyard
and trample down my field;
they will turn my pleasant field
into a desolate wasteland.

11 It will be made a wasteland,
parched and desolate before me;
the whole land will be laid waste
because there is no one who cares.

12 Over all the barren heights in the desert
destroyers will swarm,
for the sword of the LORD will devour
from one end of the land to the other;
no one will be safe.

13 They will sow wheat but reap thorns;
they will wear themselves out but gain nothing.
So bear the shame of your harvest
because of the LORD's fierce anger."

14 This is what the LORD says: "As for all my wicked neighbors who seize the inheritance I gave my people Israel, I will uproot them from their lands and I will uproot the house of Judah from among them. 15 But after I uproot them, I will again have compassion and will bring each of them back to his own inheritance and his own country. 16 And if they learn well the ways of my people and swear by my name, saying, 'As surely as the LORD lives'-even as they once taught my people to swear by Baal—then they will be established among my people. 17 But if any nation does not listen, I will completely uproot and destroy it," declares the LORD.

By Michael Gungor

There is a God who loves me
Who wraps me in His arms
That is the place where I'm changed
That is where I belong

Take me to that place Lord
To that secret place where
I can be with You
You can make me like You
Wrap me in Your arms
Wrap me in Your arms
Wrap me in Your arms

There is a God who loves me
Who wraps me in His arms