There's Strength In My Tears

Through the last couple days, I've experienced so many emotions.
I've been so excited about a few things going on in my life, and yesterday was the tip of the iceberg.
Then, it happened.
Most of you know I was in an accident yesterday. If you don't know the story, you can look it up on facebook on my wall. Or, I have it posted at the very end of this blog for those who don't.

I know I should rejoice that I'm okay, but really.. there's an oppression that comes over you when you get into your first accident that not many people understand. But my cousin did. See, it's just what the enemy needed to try and jolt me back into that spirit of fear. But I'm refusing. So very hard.

When someone flat out LIES, NOT BLAMES, but ACCUSES you of doing the VERY thing that THEY did to cause the accident, it just crushes you. I mean, he lied to police! But the whole time, my mom's voice was in my head... "Be sure your sins will find you out." Thank You Jesus for the witness.

But during that time, I began to wonder: Did it really happen that way? Maybe I didn't see him.. or maybe I'm going crazy!!
That's what the accusing spirit does. Its the same thing behind the lack of self esteem and the spirit most women are plagued with.. Not thinking they're beautiful.. (Read here, "I've Been Living a Lie") It's the same thing when people tell us things about us that are flat out lies, we begin to question our own character. When people wrong us over and over, especially Christians, and we just let it go and forgive them but they are STILL crushing you, and you're afraid to speak up because even THEY'VE built this facade of who they truly are and who they're showing the world to be... you begin to wonder if they've even so wronged you to begin with. Maybe you're just making a big deal about it in your heart.

It IS crazy.

My darling cousin Marina called me after I had texted her the story, and she prayed and she prayed and she prayed. It was so great. She could relate to every single emotion and attack that was going on.

I tossed and turned and tossed and turned all night in pain and in flashes of the accident.

Then I woke up to a text that sent me into another peace-wrecking moment.

But you know what?
Even today, there's strength in my tears. I will NOT believe these lies that try and get me to bow to the fear of man again. The way it is IS THE WAY IT IS, and I will not be convinced that people with absolutely NO character can push me back into that.

I'm done being pushed around. Even yesterday during the accident I showed so much strength and was silently yet strongly adamant about my innocence.

Its amazing to me how people who claim to read the Bible so much and claim to spend so much time with Jesus can have such a lack of character. I really don't understand it. It's something I'm still trying to process. I'm not talking about people having off days, or misunderstandings. I'm talking about people who are consistently, constantly rude, disrespectful, and arrogant. And for NO REASON! (as if there are any reasons to be...)

This is why people hate Christians to begin with, and its repulsive. At LEAST if you have given yourself the name, FAKE IT UNTIL YOU MAKE IT! Gosh.

But anyway, today I am standing with a resolve in my spirit that may or may not be quiet today. We'll see. I will let Holy Spirit do the talking. Because I know where He's leading me and nobody has to answer for that but my husband and I.

A wholllle other blog on that to follow =)







What happened: I was at a stop sign coming out of the neighborhood market wal mart onto busy wickham rush hour traffic. Traffic was really bad so I waited for like, seriously, about 6 or 7 cars to go by that were perfectly spread to where I couldn't get in there.
I notice this red truck pulling up beside me and wonder what in the world he's doing, because he's halfway into the other lane (oncoming traffic turning INto wal mart) and i see that its clear now. But before I can even lift my foot from the break, he crunches into me.

I knew what he was trying to do. He was impatient because I was taking "too long" (15 seconds.)
Then he lied about it to police and said that HE was at the stop sign first and I had snuck past him on the RIGHT... (yeah because he normally goes into the LEFT lane when making a right turn... and its RIGHT ONLY!! there's only ONE lane!

The witness had left before I could get her number. I caught her talking to him and he was shaking his head "no" frustratedly because she was telling the truth! Anyway, she ,left, but she had called police first, so the police had her phone number on file. They called her and I got the all clear. Thank you Jesus You fight for meee! :-) That was 30 agonizing minutes. But at least we are OKAY and his insurance is paying for everything! Hallelujah!

Let it be love that plants the seed.

First Corinthians 13. Christian or not, I think most people know at least one verse to that portion of scripture. There's the part that says basically that without love, you're either annoying, are nothing/meaningless, or have nothing. There's the section that describes the characteristics of love. Then it talks about understanding, how love lasts forever/never fails, and love is the greatest of faith, hope, and love.

I love the last line. It pretty much sums up everything in the first section.
Faith, hope, and love last forever. They never go away. But the greatest is love.

Faith. It's a pretty lofty topic now adays. "Just have faith! And you'll be healed! You need more faith! We must increase our faith! We must have faith to declare the sick are healed! The dead are raised!" All that is well and good, but without love... YOUR FAITH IS NOTHING. Which means even if the person gets up out of their wheelchair and walks, if you don't have love, it means nothing. You can move the mountain of cancer without love. But without love, it is nothing.
Its such a hard concept to grasp because there's fruit. But just because there's fruit to our clouded eyes doesn't mean there's love.
Verses 10-12 take care of that.

Then there's hope. This is for all the dreamers like me out there. Whew. I'm a dreamer. Some of you used to dream that thousands would come and see the Lord. That they would be saved. That they would be restored and live a life of abundance and freedom. You wanted them to be saved because you LOVED them. But now you just want them to come. But when they come, what do you have to offer them now?
NOTHING. You've focused so much on getting them here that you now have no idea what to do with them when they arrive. And so they leave as quick as they came.
Your dreams have crumbled to the ground.
Without love, your hope is nothing.

Then there's love. When you love, guess what you get. love. When you love, guess what you spread. Love. When you love, guess what you get the keys to. EVERYTHING.
So you can either love and get everything. Or do all the other religious crap and have NOTHING, be NOTHING, do NOTHING, and love NO ONE.

It's so easy to say, "Well we should love. That should be our motivation. So, we need love to be our motivation."
I'm sick and tired of hearing people tell people that if we want to see people saved, our motivation needs to be love.
I know people mean good and well when they say that, and its no attack against anyone who ever says that. I've said it PLENTY. But its not something you can just say, "Oh! Ok sooooo from now on my motivation will be love. YAY!"
No. You'll know when you've arrived at love when you love without realizing it. It becomes a way of life. It inhabits everything you do. You smile. You're kind. You are patient. You don't envy. You don't boast. You don't have an attitude. You aren't easily angered. And even if you are, its your fault, so just bite your tongue and don't hold your own agression against someone who is just being innocent and being themselves and had no intentions whatsoever in their heart of making you frustrated. And YES, YOU WILL KNOW THE DIFFERENCE. (Most of the time, LOL).

Love isn't something we can just decide that from now on we're gonna BE better at. We have to GROW better at it. And that's where many fail. We have to grow. We have to give lots and lots and lots of MERCY. BE MERCIFUL. Ask Jesus for His heart. He'll give it to you. Tell Him that you want to- want to love.
Do you actually care about the person in the checkout line? Do you actually care when you see someone hurting and not having the best day? Or do you go about your day? Do you get overly frustrated when that person that talks forever about their personal problems to you stops you when you have somewhere to be? DO YOU EVEN listen? Or do you let love win? Do you care? People need your love more than they need theology. Who cares what they've done. You are exactly LIKE THEM, even if they've "done" "worse" things than you (TO YOU.) You're exactly like them, but in a Jesus suit. He gave you that robe. You didn't purchase it. He gave it to you. Underneath you are exactly like them. I'm sick of the pompous. (This could go on forever so I'll save it for another post and another scripture lol)

Let your dreams rise out of you like a mountain and let the faith to see them happen flow down like a rushing creek.

And let it be love that plants the seed.

The Voice of the Lord

Hearing the Lord is a part of the foundation of everything we believe.
Hearing the voice of the Lord, in context, I think the best way to put it is to WEIGH the OPINION of the Lord.

Take some time to think back to everyone who specifically was directed by the Lord, in communion with Him. Noah, Abraham, Moses, David. Those are the big ones we all know. I could list WAY more. Then of course, there were the high priests of the temple who had specific communion with God, more than any common man could.
We look to those specific four stories for hope, for faith, and we mention their lives as evidence to the Lord's working in our lives, and the Lord's leading, guiding, and directing us. They are often lifted up on a pedestal of great uncommon faith.

Then there was Jesus. He had something different; something special at the time. He was in communion with the Father so much so that every single move was directed by the Father's voice. He could access the presence and the power of the ONE TRUE LIVING GOD, because He was HIM. It's mind blowing to think about the trinity in that regard, but that's for another day.

Jesus did nothing apart from the Father. (John 5). He had perfect communion with the Father. He was fully God yet fully man. With that being said, would we have thought He was a complete fake and flake because He said He heard the Father? The way we react today to the voice of the Lord shows us the answer.

Why is it that the choice for most Christians is to either be labeled a complete flake, weird, and unsound in the eyes of some Christian, OR just ignore the voice of God? I feel like many Christians judge others by their use of "God said".  I get it we are human. I get it that all of us can be flaky. I get it that we can be manipulative.  I get it that we can be perverted.  I get it that so so so many people abuse it. I get sick when I see that and I seriously passionately despise it.
But why is it considered flaky to try to hear the voice of the LORD and why are people so worried about it like its supposed to be an uncommon, "special" thing?

In the Old Testament, the Old Covenant, it was an uncommon, special thing. But when Jesus ripped that veil, anyone could see straight through to the Holy of Holies. HE made the way for us.
It was a common, completely constant thing for Jesus. It wasn't like the voice of the Father thundered down from heaven whenever He wanted to speak to Jesus about only the important things.
Their communion was consistent. It was common.

Would you have looked at Jesus and accused Him of "lacking accountability"? "lacking the earthly guidance to 'reign Him in'"? "Spiritually unbalanced so He must be extremely inaccurate and flaky"???

#1. Hearing the Word of the Lord should be a constant thing. Jesus proved it could be done.

#2. The way you keep people from being flaky and weird and 'unbiblical' is you disciple them. Not only that, but it comes with time.

I completely agree people should not be able to do whatever they want just because they label it "God". I am not saying ANY of that. I am simply saying, WHAT are we DOING with the OPINION of the Lord?? WHAT are we saying to those who are following behind us? How are we labeling those who have gone before us?
Why have we labeled the opinion of the Lord as weird if people "hear" all the time?

There has got to be accountability but let it be true accountability, not a restriction, a taboo on the opinion of the Lord. Let it be weighed, let it be put into perspective. If you know the Lord, You will see His opinion clearly. You'll realize what will make Him happy. You'll realize that He is ALWAYS speaking.

If we truly believe what we claim, what will we do about the opinion of the LORD?
Let yourself LISTEN to Him. The more you do, the more He will speak. The more you will know His voice. The less flakey you will become. THE MORE YOU'LL KNOW HIM.

I don't want to forsake His voice when the people that went before Jesus hardly had a chance at communion with the Father. THIS is WHAT WAS BOUGHT FOR US. Not just salvation from HELL. Communion, the voice of the Lord, His presence, etc.

WHAT will YOU do with the voice of the LORD?

Waiting to Hear What I'm Waiting For

I have to admit, there are some sounds of worship I wish I could just type on the internet and find and play through my house or through my headphones.
But when you start searching for what your heart is longing for online, you realize you've pretty much heard it all. There's a longing for more, for newness, that your spirit is just craving.
But that's where we come in. If you are in the same boat as me, and have any musical abilities, I know that God is calling on us to release a new sound that He can only put into our hearts.
Some of my greatest friends are the most musically talented.
My own mother is AN AMAZING worship leader and I am so thankful to have sat under her for as long as I have. My dad can SO belt it and I love hearing him sing with his strong yet gentle voice.
My brother is amazing at playing the piano sooo intricately and has this crazy passion that just runs through his fingers. Its so beautiful. And when he sings, its so pure!! HE JUST LOVES GOD!!
And then there's my dear Hannah Rene. She plays so beautifully and plays so... so like a daughter. Like a princess. And what she writes, its like deep heart wells. Its so cool. And its so easy for me to relate to her music, spiritually, emotionally... its so amazing.
And my Taylor Elaine.. she sings so beautifully. I don't even know if I've even told her how much I enjoy her singing. Its so pretty. =) Its the type of singing that I just enjoy. Its so heartfelt. And she can totally hold her note. Without even that much experience, and not that many lessons. SHE'S A NATURAL.

I could go on and on and on. My Melody with her POWERFUL voice for such a little girl. SO EXTREMELY TALENTED. Her voice is the type of voice that ROCKS THE WORLD.

And everyone I know, really. I mean I can't really mention all of you. But you all know who you are. Hilly and her songs with her style the Lord gave JUST for her, cause she's special. Lisa Marie and how she can hold a note and harmonies LIKE, INSANELY amazingly.. Austin. Andrew K. Josh D. Lisa P. Kels. Everyone. !!! <3

The things that you desire the most to hear out there in worship.. its yours to write.
The Heavenly Father has hidden it in you.
Dig into Him. Let Him stir things up in you. And when you feel it, WORSHIP.
When you are getting stirred and you don't know why, WORSHIP. and Record it.
When you have had a horrible day, WORSHIP. and record it.
When the best thing ever has happened to you in a day, WORSHIP. AND RECORD IT.

There are some things waiting to be released, and I know Josh and I are ready. We are ready to hear what He has to sing and play through us. And we're going after it. Its so rewarding, though. He touches you when you do that. Its kind of funny. You long to hear something new.. In a sense, you long to hear what only you can produce.
<3

So get ready for us to be releasing some music to you guys that has come straight out of times spent with Him and our hearts pouring out.
Love you guys,
Lauren