The every day awakening.

I have not written in a while.. God has done so many amazing things. I got married in March; I love being married, it is such an adventure.
I was reading some scripture today and I was in Galatians. On my way to Galatians, a few verses in Ephesians caught my eye. When I was done in Galatians, I went back and read the same few verses a few times over.

NLT:
Living by the Spirit’s Power
15 So be careful how you live. Don’t live like fools, but like those who are wise. 16 Make the most of every opportunity in these evil days. 17 Don’t act thoughtlessly, but understand what the Lord wants you to do. 18 Don’t be drunk with wine, because that will ruin your life. Instead, be filled with the Holy Spirit, 19 singing psalms and hymns and spiritual songs among yourselves, and making music to the Lord in your hearts. 20 And give thanks for everything to God the Father in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ.

This sample of scripture is so simple. But yet it awakens in the deepest parts of me. I'm really not sure why. But it is such a basic explaination of what we are supposed to do. It is so black and white, and it is to the point. And I love it. And there is joy in my heart reading this; there is joy in my heart doing these things. This scripture alone creates such a deep longing in my heart. If we could just be obedient and LIVE these 5 verses, how much unitity would we walk in, how much grace, how much passion and fire, oh how we would stop struggling and be IN HIM. Being obedient to these 5 verses means you desire to please Him. It also means that you are satisfied in Him. And you KNOW that that is where you get ALL your joy, ALL your peace, ALL your strength. You are desperate. But you've come to a place where it is the NORM. So its easy. It's easy to look at this passage of scripture and say, 'YES, I CAN DO THAT. YES, LORD. YES.' Because there is nothing else for you.

I just love it. "Don't act thoughtlessly, but UNDERSTAND what the LORD wants you to do."

Are we in that communion where He is constantly able to speak? Or do we have to be in some sort of special setting or mindset and ask? Yes it is good to ask the Lord what to do. But sometimes we have to UNDERSTAND. We have to come to a place where THe HOLY SPIRIT is so WELCOMED in us that He is always able to speak without any stifling.
This is just such a joyful piece of scripture to me. I don't really know what the point of this is, (do I ever? lol) but I definitely felt compelled to write about this scripture. I really don't have anything else to say about any other part of it, other than... it awakens me.

I encourage you to have an every day awakening. Get to that place. It could be the simplest thing. But be open to Him changing you ever day to His mindset. Awakening you to something you've never seen before. It's so simple. Yet it is such a treasure.

Thank you Jesus, for the every day awakening. I love seeing new sides of You. You are too good to me and my sometimes lack of consistency. You pour out Your wisdom to me even when I don't deserve it. You are always with me, You are always speaking. You are always guiding me, and I see You. I follow You. Thank You for always having something to say to me. Thank You for awakening my heart to always understand You in every situation. To always be aware of You.

Count it all JOY...

James 1:2-4," 2 Dear brothers and sisters,when troubles come your way, consider it an opportunity for great joy. 3 For you know that when your faith is tested, your endurance has a chance to grow. 4 So let it grow, for when your endurance is fully developed, you will be perfect and complete, needing nothing."

I had a revelation this morning while talking to Lisa... and you know.. for us true believers, full of faith and authority in the Holy Spirit, TRULY knowing we have that, I think sometimes we forget this scripture. Most of the time, we that KNOW healing is possible AND probable, forget this. Most of the time, we sulk and we just want God to heal us, saying, "God, heal us! Even if we have to wait! Heal us! We know You can so do it! Man, I wish God would just healll meeee" But we never stop to think about this. We have brushed off, in the past, people that have said, "well maybe it's God's will for you to have cancer, or die," or whatever. We KNOW that is NOT the case! God desires healing and restoration for us. But we miss the bigger picture sometimes. We say we will wait for it, but we never think about counting it all JOY. We just want our problems, our situations, our uncomfortableness, or disease to just GOO AWAYYYYYY. And God desires that for us.
But look at what this scripture says. Consider it an OPPORTUNITY for great joy. When our faith is tested, our endurance has a chance to grow. So LET IT GROW, for when our endurance is fully developed, we will be perfect and complete, needing NOTHING.

When Jesus was dying on the cross, He could have had ten thousand angels to take His place. He had that authority. He had the POWER OF HEALING IN HIS HANDS FOR HIS OWN SELF. But He didn't. Why? So He could be made perfect and make perfection possible for us. He knew this concept. JESUS COUNTED IT ALL JOY.
Hebrews 12:2 We do this by keeping our eyes on Jesus, the champion who initiates and perfects our faith. Because of the joy set before Him, He endured the cross, disregarding its shame. Now He is seated in the place of honor beside God’s throne."
WOW. because of the JOY set before Him HE ENDURED THE CROSS. HE IS THE PERFECTER OF OUR FAITH!

This is exactly WHY we can do this. This is WHY we can count it all joy, and why every opportunity we have when trouble comes our way is like the Lord reaching out His hand, saying,"here, here's another opportunity toward perfection."

You guys, all bets were off when Jesus died and rose. We are without excuse, because He made a way for us. We are WITHOUT EXCUSE. The excuse that we are only human DOESN'T WORK. Jesus partook in our sufferings, and we partake in His. He was able to fully hear God as a man, and not falter! He OBEYED. He walked, He heard, and He obeyed, and He didn't choose to heal Himself even though He could. He COUNTED IT ALL JOY, SO THAT WHENEVER WE FACE VARIOUS TRIALS, IT WOULD NOT BE IMPOSSIBLE FOR US TO COUNT IT ALL JOY. He was made perfect and we can be made perfect too, IF WE KEEP TAKING THESE OPPORTUNITIES FOR OUR FAITH AND ENDURANCE TO GROW. THIS IS JUST another verse that says, "BE LIKE JESUS!!!"

He can do it. So can we. and our endurance will be GREAT. We are WITHOUT excuse if we have or do anything else!
So let's remember this, ALONG with the fact that the Lord heals, restores, redeems, and moves mountains, that that's just HALF of the job description. We are to do the same, but let's count it all joy instead of sulking and wishing He would take away all our troubles! For TRUE healing and the best kind of healing is when we are healed, but also come away with the endurance that was MEANT for us to receive out of it!
:-)

Leading by Example

Written January 28th, 2009, 10:07pm- myspace/facebook

You know the saying, "Do as I say, don't do as I do."?
Well.. that is such a cop-out. I'm not going to say that I THINK it's a cop-out. Because for a fact, it is.
That saying rids you of every single ounce of accountability that is required. It rids you of all responsibility.
People can argue this all they want, and say well, if I'm a leader, boss, instructor of some sort, authority of some sort, and say "well, if I mess up they shouldn't follow me." Well, THAT'S a given. Anybody with common sense KNOWS that.

1 Cor. 10:33- 1 Cor. 11:1 says, "I don't just do what is best for me; I do what is best for others so that many may be saved. Therefore, imitate me, as I imitate Christ."

Paul does NOT just say "Do what I preach, because God preaches through me, BUT DONT DO WHAT I DO!!" no, HE REALIZES that it is a HEAVY WEIGHT HE CHOSE to carry WHEN HE DECIDED TO PREACH THE GOSPEL OF CHRIST. NO, even BEFORE THEN. When He dedicated His life to Christ. WHEN HE SAW THE LIGHT.

Ephesians 5:1 says Imitate God in everything you do. It doesn't just say DO WHAT HE SAYS OR ELSE!!! No, God is GOOD and His character is good and God IS LOVE! and He ENDURES! So IMITATE WHAT YOU SEE, IMITATE HIM, FOR HE IS GOOD!

Another example is 1 Cor. 4:16.

There is so many times in the Bible where one person or another is beseeching you to imitate them! and it is ALWAYS FOLLOWED BY "FOR I IMITATE CHRIST!" it's never a "because I am the bomb and I wanna create my own following" type thing.

Man.. last night I was kind of just spending time with God in my room, and I asked Him, I was like GOD I wanna be like You sooo bad. Please show me You! Show me Your character God so I can be like You! I wanna know you!!! I wanna know You! I WANT TO KNOW YOUR CHARACTER, I HAVE TO HAVE IT!"
and IMMEDIATELY He said "then read 1 Corinthians 13."

SO. CHECK THIS OUT. THIS IS AMAZING.
verses 1-3
1 If I could speak all the languages of earth and of angels, but didn’t love others, I would only be a noisy gong or a clanging cymbal. 2 If I had the gift of prophecy, and if I understood all of God’s secret plans and possessed all knowledge, and if I had such faith that I could move mountains, but didn’t love others, I would be nothing. 3 If I gave everything I have to the poor and even sacrificed my body, I could boast about it;[a] but if I didn’t love others, I would have gained nothing.

EVEN GOD must hold to these standards. FOR HE IS LOVE. If He had not love, HE WOULD NOT HAVE GAINED US. (VERSE 3!!!) HE DID SACRIFICE HIS BODY! HE DID GIVE EVERYTHING HE HAD TO THE POOR! GOD GAVE HIS SON JESUS! JESUS SACRIFICED HIS BODY FOR US!! Without LOVE being the chords that tied HIM TO THE CROSS IT WOULD HAVE MEANT AND DONE ABSOLUTELY NOTHING!!!!!!!!

DON'T YOU GET IT!! THIS IS THE LAW OF THE UNIVERSE!!!! He could BOAST ABOUT IT TO SATAN EVEN! SAYING HA I GAVE MY BODY! but it would have MEANT NOTHING! IT WOULD NOT OF SAVED US FROM HELL!!! BECAUSE THIS IS THE LAW OF THE UNIVERSE!! WITHOUT LOVE YOU GAIN ABSOLUTELY NOTHING!!!
There would be NO RELATIONSHIP WITH US!! HIS DEATH WOULD HAVE BEEN IN VAIN! because it would have not established a relationship with us! He would have been like another dead lamb.
BUT HE LOVES US!!!!!!!! OH IT WAS LOVE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Verse 8: 8 Prophecy and speaking in unknown languages[b] and special knowledge will become useless. But love will last forever!

LOVE WILL LAST FOREVER. GOD IS LOVE! GOD LASTS FOREVER! GOD IS FOREVER!!! HE ENDURES ALL THINGS!!!! HOPES ALL THINGS! BELIEVES ALL THINGS!!! IT ALWAYS PROTECTS!

1 JOHN 4:16 GOD IS LOVE!!


LOVE leads by example.
LOVE leads by example.
LOVE doesn't say "Do as I say, don't do what I do."
LOVE says "WHATEVER IT TAKES, I WILL SHOW YOU THE WAY, I WILL BE GOOD AND RIGHT UNTIL IT HURTS, I WILL MAKE THE SACRIFICES I NEED TO TO SHOW.. YOU.. THE WAY... THROUGH THIS FIRE, I WILL GO, I WILL NOT TELL YOU TO GO THROUGH THE FIRE. I WILL BE IN THE FIRE, CALLING YOU TO COME IN WHILE I MYSELF AM ON MY WAY THROUGH."


Personally, I am at the place where I have always wanted to be. EVER SINCE I CAN REMEMBER!! EVERY SINCE I CAN REMEMBER SEEING OLDER TEENAGE GIRLS IN MY LIFE AND OLDER 20 SOMETHINGS IN MY LIFE I LONGGED to be an example!!!

and here I am... I am at such an amazing time in my life. All the tumult, all the raging seas, everything.. its so WORTH IT TO BE HERE, AND BE AN EXAMPLE IN THE FAITH!!!
to all my girls, YOU ARE ALL SO WORTH IT!! EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOU AND I LOVE YOU ALL!! And I want to continue to be an example to you ALL and all of you are GETTING IT!! YESS YOU ARE GETTING IT AND I LOVE THAT!!! AND I've shed so many tears for you all! You have no idea!!


MY HEART IS EXPLODING WITH SO MUCH JOY RIGHT NOW.
:-D
I love you all. :-)

Your Love Makes It Worth it All

This was written January 17, 2009 - Saturday - myspace/facebook
This looks SERIOUSLY LONG. REALLY REALLY LONG. But if you read it, I dont know, I think you'll be happy if you did. I think it's worth it. Maybe... lol. it depends on who you are.
But its really not that long.
I wanted it to read a little differently than it does, but oh well. It's okay. :-) It's a little choppier than I wanted it to be. I just get so stinkin excited!


Wow God is amazing. I just want to say one thing. If you don't get anything out of this except for one thing, I hope it's that GOD IS FAITHFUL AND HE HAS PROVEN HIMSELF FAITHFUL TO ME!!!
HE IS THE MOST FAITHFUL GOD!! I GUARANTEE YOU HE HAS BEEN SO FAITHFUL TO YOU!! I GUARANTEE YOU.

This analogy is pretty self-explanatory, so I'm sure you can fill in the blanks and get it in no time, even if I failed to mention some things about it.

[the lyrics that go with this are posted at the very bottom...]

I decided to listen to this song today driving home from Melbourne on 95. I've heard it before but that was either cleaning my room, or driving in the car with other people.
This time I really really heard it. I listened to it with purpose- I wanted to spend the car ride home with Him. and Boy did He ever show Himself Faithful.

First of all, when I was driving home, I got a glance on Wickham heading toward 95 of this big nasty fire cloud in the sky from a fire. And I totally thought it was like, in orlando or something. lol.
And I get on 95, and I start this song. And it's first a song, and then spontaneous at the end. (2 different tracks). And I started it because on the way It began and God just drew my heart in but I was at my destination so I couldn't really listen.
And anyway, I turn a corner on 95 shortly after I get on it. And in the distance, there is that fire. It's HUGE and honestly, it looked like it was on the East side of 95, in titusville, and it looked like all the onimous debris and clouds and smoke were hurling themselves right over 95. Visibility ahead looked ZERO.


Just as I saw this, I got this weird, eerie feeling, and was a little bit scared. But also a little excited to be driving into something like that. Scared, but adventurous. And I was thinking to myself, surely they wouldn't have a controlled burn on that side of 95, blowing right into it. Anyway, just as I saw it, a part in the song came to "No turning back, I've made up my mind, I'm giving all of my life this time..." and then "Your love makes it worth it, Your love makes it worth it all, Your love makes it worth it all..." and I know this sounds way weird and dramatic, but it was just so... weird. How the music, the words, correlated to what I was feeling inside when I saw this giant onimous fire cloud.
As I get closer, the song goes into this WHOLE 10 MINUTE SPONTANEOUS SONG ABOUT FIRE. ABOUT FIRE!!! about His fire and His love being like a fire and all of this!!!!
So I take my sunglasses off because they make everything yellow, and honestly, I could NOT STOP LOOKING AT THAT THING. My eyes were totally drawn to it.

And I'm freaking out.
and it goes, "Oh, I don't have to fear anything
'Cause Your love makes it worth it all, God.."
and then.. I turn a corner and the song is still going strong, you know.. and even though it looked like the fire was on the east side of 95... it was really on the left!!!
I turned the corner and I was so flabbergasted but relieved too, and it was blowing itself away from 95. and as I got closer, all this brush beside 95 had been a little scorched (controlled burn)...
So it continues, and as I get closer, these white birds are seriously swarming and swarming and twirling around the woods, and in the background is that pitch black fire smoke cloud. and I don't know if you have ever seen white birds flying around with a thunderstorm looming in the distance, but honestly, I think that is SO beautiful. Ha, and then the song is like, "do you dare, do you dare do you dare look into the flames of love" haha...

So, it ended up being on the other side of 95, and the pathway of 95 was completely blue and clear. SO BEAUTIFUL. and as I got closer, I ended up right next to it, I'd say it was only a couple miles from 95. But as I got closer and almost exactly parrellel, at least to the smoke and stuff, the sun disappeared. You could see the haze of it, but the smoke was all yellow and black.
And I was like, man, what a sight!!!
And I was like wow, the sun is hidden.
(As I got right next to the fire, the song goes,"those flames are a consuming fire.." over and over and over again.

As I got past the fire, I look over and see the SUN is right beside me. Clear. No smoke whatsoever surrounding it. And its amazing in all its brilliance.
It's funny because on the way down there in the morning, I was almost weeping in the car at the sun. Just how He made it and how He thought of US and He keeps us here, and how He spoke it all into existence and how in the beginning was the Word and the Word was with God and the Word was God.
And so JOY was filled within me because the sun was SO BEAUTIFUL after I saw it in the smoke and fiery haze, and then outside of it with the flames looming in the distance.

and then, about at the port st john exit, I turned my head and looked back and guess what it looked like this time?
It looked like the fire was in the middle of the road. It looked like it was smack dab in the middle of I-95. And I LAUGHED.

when I began my journey, I KNEW God was teaching and showing me something through it all.
And I know many can draw many analogies from this, but this is what I got... and it matches me perfectly.

When life comes, and when these wilderness experiences come, and these trials come, and the unexpected happens, you see the road ahead and you see what it looks like and what it APPEARS.. APPEARS to be. And you know you're in for a long huge ride through OMINOUS clouds and you dont know whats ahead but you're frightened but a little bit excited, even if you don't like change all that much, it excites you a little that you know change is coming, because after all, look in the distance, I'm about to go through this unknown smokey gloomy thing up ahead and who knowwwws it might be my house on fire or a gasoline explosion or who knows what!!! and all these things go through your head what you think is on the road and what you think it will be like and you prepare best you can, but lets face it, its here, its now, so what you have with you and on your back is really all you have, and you can't really do anything about it BECAUSE YOU'RE ALREADY ON YOUR WAY, you're already on the journey.

ohh man.
And when you take that turn where 1/4 of the road is behind you and you can see a little clearer, you can see that wow, its not as bad as I thought, this character building isnt that bad, and I was soo scared but now that I'm here, I WANT what He has for me in this season, who knows, what if I had turned back because of fear??
This isn't so bad. The look of it is still ominous, and the sun is SOO hiding! but you know what, even though there's not an end in sight right now, I know that its going to be okay.

And then when you get up next to it, you start to see the beauty in the pain and in the suffering and in the character building and you see the chaff burning away and the beautiful expressions of HIS character coming out and swirling around all the dingy dirty crap thats come to the surface in this pruning journey.
The sun is hiding, but you know what, the end is in sight and just a little longer to go and you're home free.

And then...
before you know it, you look next to you.. and there is the sun. RIGHT NEXT TO YOU. AND ITS BEEN NEXT TO YOU THIS WHOLE TIME!!!

The SON is RIGHT NEXT TO YOU!!!!!
and then as the journey of freedom continues, you look back after a little healing time and see WOAH. I WENT THROUGH CRAP! A LOT OF CRAP! A LOT OF CRAZY THINGS I NEVER THOUGHT I'D MAKE IT THROUGH!!! HA! and you LAUGH AT IT even though from hidsight it looks even worse than when you were going into it!! lol.

Wow, this whole revelation was just.. wow.. exactly what I had been through since 2008 began. It was just amazing to see it played out like that and portrayed in such a vivid way.

HE IS AN ALL-CONSUMING FIRE, AND I WANT HIS HEART!! I LONG FOR HIS HEART, HIS CHARACTER, AND YOU KNOW WHAT?? I AM GOING TO GET IT.

And tonight Pastor Roger said something when he was preaching that made me see this in my mind's eye...and I was thinking about my Jesus dying on that cross.. how the grave couldn't hold Him...
that lyric played over and over in my head, "Your love makes it worth it, Your love makes it worth it all, Your love makes it worth it all..."

and I just pictured my Jesus... and it's like He laughs at me, looking at me, thinking how JOYFUL it is that I am here where I'm at because of what He Himself did for me on the cross. He sees me, looks at me, and LAUGHS. HE LAUGHS!!!! As He sees me and looks at me He smiles and is as light as a feather as He sees me in the light of the cross! In the filter of the cross! In the shadow of the CROSS!
And thats when He sings to me, "your love, Lauren, makes it worth it all."
He looks back and HE LAUGHS!!!!

HALLELUJAH!!

THIS IS A LOVE LIKE NO OTHER!

TRIALS ARE AMAZING, and I know thats dangerous to say...
but they are. You don't always say that during them. or before them.
But after, wow, everything will be amazing afterward. Wow.

Embrace what He is taking you through because there is ALWAYS a finish line and you won't be in that season, that trial FOREVER. Embrace times of learning, embrace all He teaches you AND THE WAY HE TEACHES YOU. IT CAN BE SO AMAZING.
even the fear is amazing, in a sort of way!
Wow.

KIM WALKER- "I SURRENDER" AND "SPONTANEOUS IV" (myspace.com/kimwalker. you can also listen to these songs on my myspace as well.)
There is no love sweeter than the love You pour on me
There is no song sweeter than the song You sing to me
There is no place that I would rather be
Than here at Your feet laying down everything

All to You I surrender
Everything, every part of me
All to You I surrender
All of my dreams, all of me

If worship's like perfume, I'll pour my mine out on You
For there is none as deserving of my love like You
So take my hand and draw me into You
I want to be swept away, lost in love for You

All to You I surrender
Everything, every part of me
All to You I surrender
All of my dreams, all of me

Oh, I surrender
Oh, I surrender
Oh, I surrender
Oh, I surrender

No turning back, I've made up my mind
I'm giving all of my life this time
No turning back, I've made up my mind
I'm giving all of my life this time

Your love makes it worth it
Your love makes it worth it all
Your love makes it worth it all

Oh, I don't have to fear anything
'Cause Your love makes it worth it all, God
I can so willingly lay everything down at your feet
'Cause Your love makes it worth it all

This is what we're made for
This is what we're born for
Your love Your love
Your love Your love
Your love Your love

I wanna know it more
I wanna feel it more
I wanna see it more
Oh God, take us in to the Holy Place
Where we see You face to face
and behold Your love
Behold His love
Behold His love
Behold His love

Shining brighter than any star, than any star
Your love is stronger than anything
Your love is bigger, its greater
oh Your love, Your love Your love
Behold His love
Oh look straight into the eyes of love tonight
the flames of love that burn in His eyes
Oh the flames of love that burn in His eyes for you
Oh the flames of love that burn in His eyes


Oh do you dare
Do you dare
Do you dare look into the eyes of love tonight
leaving everything else behind
Oh eyes that burn with the flames of love
Eyes that burn with the flames of love
Eyes that burn with the flames of love
Eyes that burn
Eyes that burn
Eyes that burn

Do you dare
Will you be bold as a lion
and go, go look deep into the eyes of love
will you leave everything behind
to look deep into the eyes of love

Eyes that burn with flames of love
Eyes that burn with flames of love

And those flames are a consuming fire
those flames are a consuming fire
those flames are a consuming fire

they will burn in me
come and burn in me, God
come and burn in me
Oh come and burn

All consuming fire
Come burn in me
Come burn in me

All consuming fire
Our God is an all consuming fire
oh yeah

Come burn in me
come burn in me

For I will be as bold as a lion
i will look straight into the eyes of love and say
come burn in me
come burn in me
come burn in me
all consuming fire
come burn in me
come burn in me

Fire that can't be tamed
Fire that won't be put in a box
fire that won't be contained
fire that won't be put out
an all consuming fire

come burn in me
come burn in me
come burn in me

EVEN NOW.

(the true point of me writing this blog begins at the "But")

Today I was driving, well, earlier I had been listening to this one cd, but then I couldn't find it. When I got to the church to do some work, I put in one and just listened. It was a Justin Rizzo Onething DVD I put onto a cd. plus "Saviour King"

But I became addicted this morning to the first little Rizzo song on there and its kind of a spontaneous "You Reign" part.. and I just was so stirred by it and just exploded with PRAISE to Him.

But as I was driving it was like each time I heard it I got new revelation. I was driving, almost time for work, and I just felt the sun so bright on my face and it was just amazing, I love Him loving on me! I love Him calling me clean and bright and I love His brightness and the sun shining warm upon my face. It's so amazing when He does that and you KNOW its Him.

Well I after I got to work, my boss had me go to the post office. I am so thankful for those opportunities to get out of the office. I ABSOLUTELY HATE COUNTRY MUSIC. (for a continuation of this that I ranted about music, go below. I cut it out because it wasn't where i was going, but i did put it at the end of this blog.)

But I popped in this same cd, and there's a part in this song that says :"Around Your throne, around Your throne even now, God, Around Your throne, around Your throne even now, twenty-four elders, four living creatures, gathered around Your throne even now, singing holy holy holy, holy holy holy is the One upon the throne. Even now, around Your throne, twenty-four elders, four living creatures, crying holy. holy, crying holy is the Lord."

And you know... it's so TRUE. As I was driving I began to have that revelation. EVEN NOW. THIS VERY MOMENT. NIGHT AND DAY THEY SING. And they HAVE sang! Even now, with all of this garbage, business, and heaviness on this earth, with everything going on, with everyone with their problems, that make it seem like the earth should just STOP until you catch your breath, with all the disappointments, with all the heartbreaks, with all the births and the deaths.. with all the happiness and joys and all the perversions and all the injustices and all the wrong-doings and the wicked prospering, and the wicked perishing, with people getting away with heinous sin, with the world ticking ticking ticking with the righteous falling, and the Godly compromising and settling..

THEY SING.

THEY SING!

THEY SING.

and they don't stop.

It's so amazing to me. They don't even give a crap about what is going on on this earth, all their focus is on IS ON HIM. It makes everything thats going on, even the most amazing and joyous... it makes it seem like NOTHING. because what they are doing IS the meaning of it all.

While we search for our lives to have meaning, while we do this and we do that and everything else... They sing. EVEN NOW. EVEN NOW. EVEN NOW. Nothing breaks their song. EVEN NOW THEY SING.

EVEN NOW THEY SING.

THE PRAISE NEVER STOPS RISING, NO MATTER WHAT TRAVESTY IS GOING ON ON THIS FILTHY EARTH!!! It all seems so futile and meaningless when you think about that!

When they're singing that EVEN NOW, AND ALWAYS, I ask yourself.. what are you giving yourself to thats completely POINTLESS? POOINNNTLESSSSS???? come on. I challenge you. :-)

(THIS IS WHERE THE BREAK BEGAN AT THE TOP OF THE PAGE WHEN MY RANT STARTED THAT I HAD TO CUT OUT AND PASTE HERE SINCE IT DIDNT GO ALONG WITH MY BLOG.. WELL I GUESS IT DOES... TO A CERTAIN DEGREE.. WITH THE WHOLE POINTLESS THING)

-----

music rant.:

[County Music] IS THE DUMBEST THING ON THIS PLANET, and I don't know how ANYONE listens to anything but at LEAST watered down "Christian" music- after being in an atmosphere of Him and His throne, I really seriously do not know how anyone who's experienced His presence can listen to garbage, I don't care who its by or what the stupid song is. I don't NEED anything but this. Plain and simple. I'm not looking for anything else, I have it. And i don't know, why would you want to go anywhere else for anything else. If you already have it... why would you go looking at an outside source for a certain feeling or emotion a certian type of music or band provokes (believe me, I was there) or for "inspiration" or whatever. I think we all know by now that it doesn't take listening to some band for inspiration to blast off. I know there's enternainment but WHEN will we grow up...its like it keeps going back and forth and back and forth. Just make a decision!!!!!!!!!! Either we throw out all our movies and music that doesn't please God, and then after a few months of that we get them right back out again and stuff, and keep going through the same crazy cycle.. or we just grow some faith and a face like flint and actually do what we SET OUT TO DO. ughhh.

crap in, crap out. mediocrity in, mediocrity out. "just a little bit" in... "just a little bit" out. pointlessness in... pointlessness out. Come on guys, CORN teaches us this process!!!! (haha.. ew..lol) but really! I dont care how whatever it is.

I guess it all has to do what you're after. and its a hard pill to swallow, but its true. You can tell me you know what you're doing all you want, and you're completely after Him and you understand all that,and that its unfair to say you aren't completely after the things of Him and His heart if you listen to that stuff, but let's be real. ITS NOT FAIR-- TO HIM!@ ITS NOT UNFAIR TO YOU! I wish we would all just grow HIS HEART.

When we do this cycle we obviously aren't getting something from Him right now that we ARE from whatever we're listening to. I mean, thats the obvious reason, right?

So I challenge you today, search your heart and ASK yourself WHAT am I getting from this that i'm not getting from God right now? What am I getting from this music? WHY do I listen to it? what are the reasons?

It's completely pointless.

A Comment from Hannah Rene:

I don't know....its such a battle between the MUSIC....my gosh, one day all I want is throneroom and then the next i am listening to the emotional feel-good stuff. WHY. I know its because I do get something from that that Im not currently getting from Him, but WHY, when He can SO outdo the world! I just wish He could blow us away to the point that we take one look or listen at the former things and feel like throwing up. But that leaves me hopeless, because He has done that before, and where am I now? Back where I started. Is NOTHING MEANT TO LAST?! I just want something that doesn't fade!!! He HAS blown ME away to the point I did not want ANYTHING of the world. But why did it fade and now I'm back listening to music that sounds so incredible but isn't really doing much for my spirit. ...It's CONSTANTLY a battle for me... I honestly do not believe that there is anything wrong with that music (the kind that's sort of just "there" ...) but WHAT IS IT DOING for me? That's the question I need to ask. More important what IS IT DOING FOR HIM and for eternity. I hate to think that every song I listen to like that could be ...a brick on my mansion, or just a waste of precious time. IT'S SO HARD TO BE FOCUSED. Esp. when everyone around you is in the same place you are. Wishing they could focus. That stuff sounds so good...but so does the throneroom. WAYYYY BETTER. I think if we could be willing to lay down the earthly sounds even for a period of time, we could access the throneroom on a different level and bring heaven to earth that doesn't outdo the world with THE WORLD'S OWN SOUNDS, but out-does the world with COMBATTING, with the contrast, the opposite, HEAVEN'S SOUNDS. You can't beat the world by taking worldly things and twisting them into "Christian" that just sucks and you look like a loser. But let me tell you ...heaven can so outdo the world.
AHHHH

You can make me like You

("Take me to that place, Lord, to that secret place where I can be with You, and You can make me like You!"-----> full lyrics at bottom, after scripture references.)

(this was written back when I was still saying "freaking"... ha..)

There's a desperation inside of me that longs to be like Him.
Not the desperation for man to see or for the motives of man.
But to be like Him. For His purposes. And when that happens... You will automatically be used. in people's lives. By Him. For Him.

It's like.. I need it so bad. Or I know I'll die.

I don't want to be anything else but so with His heart and so completely soaring. I want my face to shine it, I want my talk to preach it, I want my actions to show it, and I want my heart to love it.

I don't know how many times I've said it. But its because I can't get out of this. I don't want out of it.

I love this source. This great source of strength. This source of who I am. If I don't so deeply penetrate the heart of the Father with my love for Him... if I don't so ravishingly exemplify and show and completely pierce the darkness of the room I walk in and completely show who I am in Him just by His presence on me... then I don't want to be me. If it became impossible for me to do that and impossible for Him to ever do that in me... then I don't want this. I don't want any of it. Because its pointless. I know "all striving ceases" and yes thats true to a certain degree. But if I've come as far as I can go, then its pointless. If I've lived almost 21 years and this is where I stop, I'd rather not have any of it. Yes it may sound foolish. But I CANT STAY HERE.

I'm sure people told Joseph that it was stupid and foolish for him to want them to take his bones out of Egypt and into the promised land. but HE COULDNT STAY THERE. not even if he was dead and dry! He wouldn't even let his BONES rot there in the land full of dead and chains and spiritually dark people. HIS BONES.. thats how serious he was. and its how serious I am.

I will NOT stay here. I am growing and I will continue to grow. I will NOT stay here. if I stay here it's a waste of my time. I will NOT settle. I will NOT compromise. I will not settle for anything less than what my heart is crying out for. Than the WAY HE MADE ME. TO HAVE SO MUCH MORE OF HIM! I will NOT settle for less of Him and more of whatever the heck it is I think i want to do in this life. what the heck ever.

(Gen. 50:25, Exodus 3:19, Joshua 4:32, Hebrews 11:22)

Joseph KNEW God was going to take his people out and into the promised land. He didn't care when it was, he just knew he had to go. He couldn't stay there, dead or alive.

I mean, I want SO MUCH OF HIM that even my very smile reflects it. I want to reflect so much purity and cleanliness and whiteness that its so bright...that it is completely bright and so THERE.

I want it not just for "selfish reasons".. I want it so i can be completely used. Every single moment. Every single second. Every time lately I've opened my mouth and began to speak, I am astonished at where I've come from. He has trained me, He has helped me so much. but it is ONLY FOR HIS GLORY, and ONLY FOR THE KINGDOM. I cannot speak with the tongues of heirarchy, I would only sound foolish! I cannot lingo with the rest of them with speech that sounds wise and words that demonstrate knowledge and a clear mind and tongue. I cannot. I CANNOT. Because I cannot eloquently state what He has done for me in my life. It's brutal- brutal to the kingdom of darkness. Sure I can sit down and write and tell. But it's never enough. Its NEVER enough to just explain. But He has given me WORDS. He has given me words! I can speak in the way He wants me to speak! It's nothing that I "know"! It's all Him and I give Him all the glory for changing me in the secret place just as He has promised. I DONT WANT TO STAY THE SAME! and to be honest I very well could! But I DO NOT WANT TO!

I want this community to seek the kingdom of heaven so bad. I want to go forth and completely wreck people's hearts with the love of Jesus. I was talking with a friend today and I'm completely pumped up but also a little bit contemplative because it's like HOW GOD, we've soaked up SO much of You and Your presence, and now its TIME to go out and just stop whatever... and I'm sitting here WITH His presence and WITH His likeness and yes He's using me but not the capacity I WANT, AND not corperately for this city. How many times can you pray for breakthrough and pray to break this spiritual stronghold and that one before you just get SICK of it and so does God! Just go out, you've prayed for their hearts already! They're yours, they're ready for me, just goooo they're waiting for my love!

and thats the thing. We've got to USE whats inside of us. Otherwise we WILL be getting all of this while looking inward. And thats not what this blog is about- I know it sounds like a lot about me, but really..

I can't go on without more. But I can't go on WITH more if we don't get off our butts coorperately and GO. where's the heart anymore? Mines right where it was. The only difference is... its larger, stronger, and more like Him.

FACE LIKE FLINT.

But to wrap all of this up, I've been thinking and reading a lot lately about in Psalms and Isaiah and Jeremiah how they all talk about the wicked prospering and the righteous perishing.. and sometimes I can't help but wonder that too. I can't help it. But I'm always brought back to this: Jeremiah 12:(read it at the bottom)

Jeremiah is sitting there complaining about it all. His heart is hurt, and rightfully so. We see it happening before our eyes in America, the big wigs, in the world, with poverty, with people so desperate for Him and all it just gets shoved in their face for being righteous because at the end of the day they have no stinking food to even go the next day and seek Him. (But YES He does provide miraculously.)

But its those ironies of life. "It's a WHY GOD thing. Why do I keep getting SHOVED BACK when YOU SAID that you were going to keep me on a FIRM FOOTING and not let me have to start all freakin' over and here I AM. WHAT THE HECK ARE YOU GOING TO DO WITH YOUR SERVENT NOW??"

But this..THIS is our answer from OUR GOD. OUR GOD IS FAITHFUL!!!:
first off He starts out in verse 5 saying Okay, this is how it will benefit you: your talk is cheap, buddy, and you say you are so strong in Me, but look, your whining about this! if you are worn our from racing with men, how will you ever race with horses and chariots and defeat them!? how is there even any competition there? if you are stumbling in this seeminly easy land I've given you, how in the world are you going to walk through the thickets and the brush and the mud and the gunk thats to come?? GROW FREAKIN' UP!!!!!!"

and verse 14-17 it says He only lets the wicked prosper for a season, and its FOR HIS GLORY!!! its for HIS GLORY!! because then since theyve had so much, when they begin to have very little and be stripped of their land... there's where God steps in and restores them. He restores them and there they are. they learn to be His. its for His glory.

One thing's for sure: I am after His heart! I am after it and I am determined to have it.its a great place to be... but you can't force yourself there. you have to WANT IT.

Here is Job 23:10-12.

10 But he knows the way that I take;
when he has tested me, I will come forth as gold.

11 My feet have closely followed his steps;
I have kept to his way without turning aside.

12 I have not departed from the commands of his lips;
I have treasured the words of his mouth more than my daily bread

Jeremiah 12
Jeremiah's Complaint
1 You are always righteous, O LORD,
when I bring a case before you.
Yet I would speak with you about your justice:
Why does the way of the wicked prosper?
Why do all the faithless live at ease?

2 You have planted them, and they have taken root;
they grow and bear fruit.
You are always on their lips
but far from their hearts.

3 Yet you know me, O LORD;
you see me and test my thoughts about you.
Drag them off like sheep to be butchered!
Set them apart for the day of slaughter!

4 How long will the land lie parched [a]
and the grass in every field be withered?
Because those who live in it are wicked,
the animals and birds have perished.
Moreover, the people are saying,
"He will not see what happens to us."

God's Answer
5 "If you have raced with men on foot
and they have worn you out,
how can you compete with horses?
If you stumble in safe country, [b]
how will you manage in the thickets by [c] the Jordan?

6 Your brothers, your own family—
even they have betrayed you;
they have raised a loud cry against you.
Do not trust them,
though they speak well of you.

7 "I will forsake my house,
abandon my inheritance;
I will give the one I love
into the hands of her enemies.

8 My inheritance has become to me
like a lion in the forest.
She roars at me;
therefore I hate her.

9 Has not my inheritance become to me
like a speckled bird of prey
that other birds of prey surround and attack?
Go and gather all the wild beasts;
bring them to devour.

10 Many shepherds will ruin my vineyard
and trample down my field;
they will turn my pleasant field
into a desolate wasteland.

11 It will be made a wasteland,
parched and desolate before me;
the whole land will be laid waste
because there is no one who cares.

12 Over all the barren heights in the desert
destroyers will swarm,
for the sword of the LORD will devour
from one end of the land to the other;
no one will be safe.

13 They will sow wheat but reap thorns;
they will wear themselves out but gain nothing.
So bear the shame of your harvest
because of the LORD's fierce anger."

14 This is what the LORD says: "As for all my wicked neighbors who seize the inheritance I gave my people Israel, I will uproot them from their lands and I will uproot the house of Judah from among them. 15 But after I uproot them, I will again have compassion and will bring each of them back to his own inheritance and his own country. 16 And if they learn well the ways of my people and swear by my name, saying, 'As surely as the LORD lives'-even as they once taught my people to swear by Baal—then they will be established among my people. 17 But if any nation does not listen, I will completely uproot and destroy it," declares the LORD.

By Michael Gungor

There is a God who loves me
Who wraps me in His arms
That is the place where I'm changed
That is where I belong

Take me to that place Lord
To that secret place where
I can be with You
You can make me like You
Wrap me in Your arms
Wrap me in Your arms
Wrap me in Your arms

There is a God who loves me
Who wraps me in His arms