God Has Heard.

I'm learning to breathe, I'm learning to crawl, I'm finding that You and You alone can break my fall. I'm living again, awake and alive, I'm dying to breathe in these abundant skies. (Switchfoot, "Learning to Breathe")


It's so crazy to realize you're finally awake and that you've been sleeping for years. And here, I thought I was an "awakened" one.

That line to that song makes me humble. It makes me humble to think that I'm not even crawling, I'm LEARNING to crawl. But I am. And I'm being real. It's hard for me to even post that without thinking about what people might think that means and read into it. But it doesn't matter anymore. I'm living for HIM. Not men. I had begun to, very deeply and subconsciously, let what I thought people were thinking about me change what I thought about myself. More on that later.

These past fiveyears I've fallen to believe a doctrine that said I was better than everyone. I was better than the people in this church and that church, because I didn't cuss, drink, or have sex. I didn't watch bad movies, listen to non-Christian music, and therefore, I had more of God than anyone else, and I would continue to get "more" of God than anyone else. I started thinking my parents' Christianity was something I wanted to move ahead of, go deeper, if you will. Ha. Wow. Hindsight is 20/20. But more on that later.

While I believe it is true that the Lord desires a holy, unspotted temple and that we truly will be different, changed, and live rightly BEFORE GOD (not necessarily men) if we are saved, I do not believe that my behavior means that I have more of God, or even KNOW God. It's spelled out very plainly in the Bible with the pharisees, and other stories, including, well, Jesus flippin' over the tables.

When we are right before God, we will look right before men. But if we look right before men, it doesn't mean we are right before God. I'm sick of men determining salvation. I'm sick of feeling like I'm not good enough. That's what pride does. It ruins you to the point where you think you'll never be good enough. I'm sick of the skewed vision the charismatic movement has of the lost. We hold them to unbearable standards and never bother to lift a finger to ease the burden. (See scripture below)

Luke 11:37-54

Jesus Criticizes the Religious Leaders

³⁷ As Jesus was speaking, one of the Pharisees invited him home for a meal. So he went in and took his place at the table.^{[l] 38} His host was amazed to see that he sat down to eat without first performing the hand-washing ceremony required by Jewish custom. ³⁹ Then the Lord said to him, “You Pharisees are so careful to clean the outside of the cup and the dish, but inside you are filthy—full of greed and wickedness! ⁴⁰ Fools! Didn’t God make the inside as well as the outside? ⁴¹ So clean the inside by giving gifts to the poor, and you will be clean all over.
⁴² “What sorrow awaits you Pharisees! For you are careful to tithe even the tiniest income from your herb gardens,^[m] but you ignore justice and the love of God. You should tithe, yes, but do not neglect the more important things.
⁴³ “What sorrow awaits you Pharisees! For you love to sit in the seats of honor in the synagogues and receive respectful greetings as you walk in the marketplaces. ⁴⁴ Yes, what sorrow awaits you! For you are like hidden graves in a field. People walk over them without knowing the corruption they are stepping on.”
⁴⁵ “Teacher,” said an expert in religious law, “you have insulted us, too, in what you just said.”
⁴⁶ “Yes,” said Jesus, “what sorrow also awaits you experts in religious law! For you crush people with unbearable religious demands, and you never lift a finger to ease the burden. ⁴⁷ What sorrow awaits you! For you build monuments for the prophets your own ancestors killed long ago. ⁴⁸ But in fact, you stand as witnesses who agree with what your ancestors did. They killed the prophets, and you join in their crime by building the monuments! ⁴⁹ This is what God in his wisdom said about you:^[n] ‘I will send prophets and apostles to them, but they will kill some and persecute the others.’
⁵⁰ “As a result, this generation will be held responsible for the murder of all God’s prophets from the creation of the world— ⁵¹ from the murder of Abel to the murder of Zechariah, who was killed between the altar and the sanctuary. Yes, it will certainly be charged against this generation.
⁵² “What sorrow awaits you experts in religious law! For you remove the key to knowledge from the people. You don’t enter the Kingdom yourselves, and you prevent others from entering.”
⁵³ As Jesus was leaving, the teachers of religious law and the Pharisees became hostile and tried to provoke him with many questions. ⁵⁴ They wanted to trap him into saying something they could use against him.

Why do we hold them to these standards? THEY DON'T HAVE THE KNOWLEDGE! They haven't even had an encounter with JESUS. They have never even met Him, and they certainly haven't made the decision to be a disciple of Christ. Why do we whisper to each about how horrible they are, and yet act like we have compassion to their faces? That is a travesty of the heart. We are actually keeping them from entering the Kingdom.

I for one fell into a trap for a year or so, not outwardly, but inwardly, of pride against other believers in the community. In my heart, I thought certain people were pharisees for professing to be Christians but listening to secular music. Yes it is so so important to keep what we hear pure because it effects our thoughts and our actions, but my gosh, I was judging their hearts!! I WAS THE PHARISEE in that story!! I still argue the point of listening to pure music, but I got sick of hearing people who I knew were hiding the fact that they listened to Lil Wayne and other horrible perverted sexually explicit music BASH those IN PUBLIC who listened to the likes of Taylor Swift and silly punk rock bands or coffee shoppe folk. I got sick. And then I got smart.

I'm choosing every day to live the life that I talk about. My husband and I both. We talk about helping people, we talk about loving people. So we're doing it. Every day. Sacrifice money, food, gas, "rest", for people. Why? Because people matter, no matter who they are, no matter what they're doing or where they've been. And I REFUSE to sit around and just talk about how people need to be loved and maybe one day I'll do it. I've been doing it, but now, I feel like I'm alive. I feel like I'm free. I feel like I'm out of slavery. Out of the fear of man, and into the glorious love of the Lord. There's no room for man pleasing.



My parents are such role models for me, in ever sense of the word. Hallelujah. THEY raised me in the Lord. They taught me about the Holy Spirit, they led me into the deep things of God, and set me on a path that I would get to know Him for myself- at a VERY VERY young age. They set the atmosphere in my home and made me LOVE Jesus, LOVE goodness, LOVE the things of the Lord, and to DESIRE to please God and not man, and led the way to the power of grace in my life. They taught me how to LOVE people. TRULY love them. To GET in people's dirt and that we're no better than anybody who has a stigma this world puts on them. They are some of the MOST humble people I know. They have the most sound personal doctrine out of anyone I know, and are REAL. My parents are REAL. Oh. and they were pastors of their own built-from-the-ground church for 10 years.
I saw them lead by example of LOVING people. I saw them sacrifice fancy technology, convenient appliances, nice cars, and their time and "precious" rest for people, to truly love them- and for us kids. I saw the Lord provide time after time after time for them. They were faithful and they knew how to love. HALLELUJAH. I thank the Lord for my parents, so much, and I am who I am today because of them and them listening to the Lord. They are the best parents I know. Haha. No really. I heard them pray for me. I heard their hearts. And I honestly am able to walk in the love that I have, the unexplainable love the Lord has given me for people that I truly cannot help, because of their example, I know how to use it.

*sigh*
How could I ever have thought, even as brief a period as it was, that I would want to "surpass" them and thought I could go "deeper"? How much deeper can you get than their humility, their love, their deep sacrifice for others? Oh Lord. Your Kingdom is so simple, its profound.

I'm so glad the Lord plucked me out just in time and reminded me what it's all about... even though I knew and still walked in that, the Lord revealed to me just how that prideful doctrine was influencing me. He had to root it out. I had no idea what had begin to develop in my insides. I thought I had escaped unscathed because I was able to get out. But He showed me, just how much my thinking had to change. About how the Lord sees me, about how I see myself. About the oppression I was under, constantly trying to please men. The slavery.

I had a dream on Dec. 31st about the underground railroad. I was being taken from slavery into the mansion of Susan B. Anthony. Yeah, crazy. (If you want to hear the full dream, message me or something, and I might tell you...) It has changed my life and the way I view the bondage that the kingdom of darkness is trying to entangle people in who think they're right with God. I'm still in my safe house, healing from my wounds, and changing my thinking from slave to daughter, changing my thinking from always afraid, to living in freedom and without fear. But now that I'm free, I can free others.

There's so much scripture and balance that can be discussed here, but I just flowed.

There's Strength In My Tears

Through the last couple days, I've experienced so many emotions.
I've been so excited about a few things going on in my life, and yesterday was the tip of the iceberg.
Then, it happened.
Most of you know I was in an accident yesterday. If you don't know the story, you can look it up on facebook on my wall. Or, I have it posted at the very end of this blog for those who don't.

I know I should rejoice that I'm okay, but really.. there's an oppression that comes over you when you get into your first accident that not many people understand. But my cousin did. See, it's just what the enemy needed to try and jolt me back into that spirit of fear. But I'm refusing. So very hard.

When someone flat out LIES, NOT BLAMES, but ACCUSES you of doing the VERY thing that THEY did to cause the accident, it just crushes you. I mean, he lied to police! But the whole time, my mom's voice was in my head... "Be sure your sins will find you out." Thank You Jesus for the witness.

But during that time, I began to wonder: Did it really happen that way? Maybe I didn't see him.. or maybe I'm going crazy!!
That's what the accusing spirit does. Its the same thing behind the lack of self esteem and the spirit most women are plagued with.. Not thinking they're beautiful.. (Read here, "I've Been Living a Lie") It's the same thing when people tell us things about us that are flat out lies, we begin to question our own character. When people wrong us over and over, especially Christians, and we just let it go and forgive them but they are STILL crushing you, and you're afraid to speak up because even THEY'VE built this facade of who they truly are and who they're showing the world to be... you begin to wonder if they've even so wronged you to begin with. Maybe you're just making a big deal about it in your heart.

It IS crazy.

My darling cousin Marina called me after I had texted her the story, and she prayed and she prayed and she prayed. It was so great. She could relate to every single emotion and attack that was going on.

I tossed and turned and tossed and turned all night in pain and in flashes of the accident.

Then I woke up to a text that sent me into another peace-wrecking moment.

But you know what?
Even today, there's strength in my tears. I will NOT believe these lies that try and get me to bow to the fear of man again. The way it is IS THE WAY IT IS, and I will not be convinced that people with absolutely NO character can push me back into that.

I'm done being pushed around. Even yesterday during the accident I showed so much strength and was silently yet strongly adamant about my innocence.

Its amazing to me how people who claim to read the Bible so much and claim to spend so much time with Jesus can have such a lack of character. I really don't understand it. It's something I'm still trying to process. I'm not talking about people having off days, or misunderstandings. I'm talking about people who are consistently, constantly rude, disrespectful, and arrogant. And for NO REASON! (as if there are any reasons to be...)

This is why people hate Christians to begin with, and its repulsive. At LEAST if you have given yourself the name, FAKE IT UNTIL YOU MAKE IT! Gosh.

But anyway, today I am standing with a resolve in my spirit that may or may not be quiet today. We'll see. I will let Holy Spirit do the talking. Because I know where He's leading me and nobody has to answer for that but my husband and I.

A wholllle other blog on that to follow =)







What happened: I was at a stop sign coming out of the neighborhood market wal mart onto busy wickham rush hour traffic. Traffic was really bad so I waited for like, seriously, about 6 or 7 cars to go by that were perfectly spread to where I couldn't get in there.
I notice this red truck pulling up beside me and wonder what in the world he's doing, because he's halfway into the other lane (oncoming traffic turning INto wal mart) and i see that its clear now. But before I can even lift my foot from the break, he crunches into me.

I knew what he was trying to do. He was impatient because I was taking "too long" (15 seconds.)
Then he lied about it to police and said that HE was at the stop sign first and I had snuck past him on the RIGHT... (yeah because he normally goes into the LEFT lane when making a right turn... and its RIGHT ONLY!! there's only ONE lane!

The witness had left before I could get her number. I caught her talking to him and he was shaking his head "no" frustratedly because she was telling the truth! Anyway, she ,left, but she had called police first, so the police had her phone number on file. They called her and I got the all clear. Thank you Jesus You fight for meee! :-) That was 30 agonizing minutes. But at least we are OKAY and his insurance is paying for everything! Hallelujah!

Let it be love that plants the seed.

First Corinthians 13. Christian or not, I think most people know at least one verse to that portion of scripture. There's the part that says basically that without love, you're either annoying, are nothing/meaningless, or have nothing. There's the section that describes the characteristics of love. Then it talks about understanding, how love lasts forever/never fails, and love is the greatest of faith, hope, and love.

I love the last line. It pretty much sums up everything in the first section.
Faith, hope, and love last forever. They never go away. But the greatest is love.

Faith. It's a pretty lofty topic now adays. "Just have faith! And you'll be healed! You need more faith! We must increase our faith! We must have faith to declare the sick are healed! The dead are raised!" All that is well and good, but without love... YOUR FAITH IS NOTHING. Which means even if the person gets up out of their wheelchair and walks, if you don't have love, it means nothing. You can move the mountain of cancer without love. But without love, it is nothing.
Its such a hard concept to grasp because there's fruit. But just because there's fruit to our clouded eyes doesn't mean there's love.
Verses 10-12 take care of that.

Then there's hope. This is for all the dreamers like me out there. Whew. I'm a dreamer. Some of you used to dream that thousands would come and see the Lord. That they would be saved. That they would be restored and live a life of abundance and freedom. You wanted them to be saved because you LOVED them. But now you just want them to come. But when they come, what do you have to offer them now?
NOTHING. You've focused so much on getting them here that you now have no idea what to do with them when they arrive. And so they leave as quick as they came.
Your dreams have crumbled to the ground.
Without love, your hope is nothing.

Then there's love. When you love, guess what you get. love. When you love, guess what you spread. Love. When you love, guess what you get the keys to. EVERYTHING.
So you can either love and get everything. Or do all the other religious crap and have NOTHING, be NOTHING, do NOTHING, and love NO ONE.

It's so easy to say, "Well we should love. That should be our motivation. So, we need love to be our motivation."
I'm sick and tired of hearing people tell people that if we want to see people saved, our motivation needs to be love.
I know people mean good and well when they say that, and its no attack against anyone who ever says that. I've said it PLENTY. But its not something you can just say, "Oh! Ok sooooo from now on my motivation will be love. YAY!"
No. You'll know when you've arrived at love when you love without realizing it. It becomes a way of life. It inhabits everything you do. You smile. You're kind. You are patient. You don't envy. You don't boast. You don't have an attitude. You aren't easily angered. And even if you are, its your fault, so just bite your tongue and don't hold your own agression against someone who is just being innocent and being themselves and had no intentions whatsoever in their heart of making you frustrated. And YES, YOU WILL KNOW THE DIFFERENCE. (Most of the time, LOL).

Love isn't something we can just decide that from now on we're gonna BE better at. We have to GROW better at it. And that's where many fail. We have to grow. We have to give lots and lots and lots of MERCY. BE MERCIFUL. Ask Jesus for His heart. He'll give it to you. Tell Him that you want to- want to love.
Do you actually care about the person in the checkout line? Do you actually care when you see someone hurting and not having the best day? Or do you go about your day? Do you get overly frustrated when that person that talks forever about their personal problems to you stops you when you have somewhere to be? DO YOU EVEN listen? Or do you let love win? Do you care? People need your love more than they need theology. Who cares what they've done. You are exactly LIKE THEM, even if they've "done" "worse" things than you (TO YOU.) You're exactly like them, but in a Jesus suit. He gave you that robe. You didn't purchase it. He gave it to you. Underneath you are exactly like them. I'm sick of the pompous. (This could go on forever so I'll save it for another post and another scripture lol)

Let your dreams rise out of you like a mountain and let the faith to see them happen flow down like a rushing creek.

And let it be love that plants the seed.

The Voice of the Lord

Hearing the Lord is a part of the foundation of everything we believe.
Hearing the voice of the Lord, in context, I think the best way to put it is to WEIGH the OPINION of the Lord.

Take some time to think back to everyone who specifically was directed by the Lord, in communion with Him. Noah, Abraham, Moses, David. Those are the big ones we all know. I could list WAY more. Then of course, there were the high priests of the temple who had specific communion with God, more than any common man could.
We look to those specific four stories for hope, for faith, and we mention their lives as evidence to the Lord's working in our lives, and the Lord's leading, guiding, and directing us. They are often lifted up on a pedestal of great uncommon faith.

Then there was Jesus. He had something different; something special at the time. He was in communion with the Father so much so that every single move was directed by the Father's voice. He could access the presence and the power of the ONE TRUE LIVING GOD, because He was HIM. It's mind blowing to think about the trinity in that regard, but that's for another day.

Jesus did nothing apart from the Father. (John 5). He had perfect communion with the Father. He was fully God yet fully man. With that being said, would we have thought He was a complete fake and flake because He said He heard the Father? The way we react today to the voice of the Lord shows us the answer.

Why is it that the choice for most Christians is to either be labeled a complete flake, weird, and unsound in the eyes of some Christian, OR just ignore the voice of God? I feel like many Christians judge others by their use of "God said".  I get it we are human. I get it that all of us can be flaky. I get it that we can be manipulative.  I get it that we can be perverted.  I get it that so so so many people abuse it. I get sick when I see that and I seriously passionately despise it.
But why is it considered flaky to try to hear the voice of the LORD and why are people so worried about it like its supposed to be an uncommon, "special" thing?

In the Old Testament, the Old Covenant, it was an uncommon, special thing. But when Jesus ripped that veil, anyone could see straight through to the Holy of Holies. HE made the way for us.
It was a common, completely constant thing for Jesus. It wasn't like the voice of the Father thundered down from heaven whenever He wanted to speak to Jesus about only the important things.
Their communion was consistent. It was common.

Would you have looked at Jesus and accused Him of "lacking accountability"? "lacking the earthly guidance to 'reign Him in'"? "Spiritually unbalanced so He must be extremely inaccurate and flaky"???

#1. Hearing the Word of the Lord should be a constant thing. Jesus proved it could be done.

#2. The way you keep people from being flaky and weird and 'unbiblical' is you disciple them. Not only that, but it comes with time.

I completely agree people should not be able to do whatever they want just because they label it "God". I am not saying ANY of that. I am simply saying, WHAT are we DOING with the OPINION of the Lord?? WHAT are we saying to those who are following behind us? How are we labeling those who have gone before us?
Why have we labeled the opinion of the Lord as weird if people "hear" all the time?

There has got to be accountability but let it be true accountability, not a restriction, a taboo on the opinion of the Lord. Let it be weighed, let it be put into perspective. If you know the Lord, You will see His opinion clearly. You'll realize what will make Him happy. You'll realize that He is ALWAYS speaking.

If we truly believe what we claim, what will we do about the opinion of the LORD?
Let yourself LISTEN to Him. The more you do, the more He will speak. The more you will know His voice. The less flakey you will become. THE MORE YOU'LL KNOW HIM.

I don't want to forsake His voice when the people that went before Jesus hardly had a chance at communion with the Father. THIS is WHAT WAS BOUGHT FOR US. Not just salvation from HELL. Communion, the voice of the Lord, His presence, etc.

WHAT will YOU do with the voice of the LORD?

Waiting to Hear What I'm Waiting For

I have to admit, there are some sounds of worship I wish I could just type on the internet and find and play through my house or through my headphones.
But when you start searching for what your heart is longing for online, you realize you've pretty much heard it all. There's a longing for more, for newness, that your spirit is just craving.
But that's where we come in. If you are in the same boat as me, and have any musical abilities, I know that God is calling on us to release a new sound that He can only put into our hearts.
Some of my greatest friends are the most musically talented.
My own mother is AN AMAZING worship leader and I am so thankful to have sat under her for as long as I have. My dad can SO belt it and I love hearing him sing with his strong yet gentle voice.
My brother is amazing at playing the piano sooo intricately and has this crazy passion that just runs through his fingers. Its so beautiful. And when he sings, its so pure!! HE JUST LOVES GOD!!
And then there's my dear Hannah Rene. She plays so beautifully and plays so... so like a daughter. Like a princess. And what she writes, its like deep heart wells. Its so cool. And its so easy for me to relate to her music, spiritually, emotionally... its so amazing.
And my Taylor Elaine.. she sings so beautifully. I don't even know if I've even told her how much I enjoy her singing. Its so pretty. =) Its the type of singing that I just enjoy. Its so heartfelt. And she can totally hold her note. Without even that much experience, and not that many lessons. SHE'S A NATURAL.

I could go on and on and on. My Melody with her POWERFUL voice for such a little girl. SO EXTREMELY TALENTED. Her voice is the type of voice that ROCKS THE WORLD.

And everyone I know, really. I mean I can't really mention all of you. But you all know who you are. Hilly and her songs with her style the Lord gave JUST for her, cause she's special. Lisa Marie and how she can hold a note and harmonies LIKE, INSANELY amazingly.. Austin. Andrew K. Josh D. Lisa P. Kels. Everyone. !!! <3

The things that you desire the most to hear out there in worship.. its yours to write.
The Heavenly Father has hidden it in you.
Dig into Him. Let Him stir things up in you. And when you feel it, WORSHIP.
When you are getting stirred and you don't know why, WORSHIP. and Record it.
When you have had a horrible day, WORSHIP. and record it.
When the best thing ever has happened to you in a day, WORSHIP. AND RECORD IT.

There are some things waiting to be released, and I know Josh and I are ready. We are ready to hear what He has to sing and play through us. And we're going after it. Its so rewarding, though. He touches you when you do that. Its kind of funny. You long to hear something new.. In a sense, you long to hear what only you can produce.
<3

So get ready for us to be releasing some music to you guys that has come straight out of times spent with Him and our hearts pouring out.
Love you guys,
Lauren

I've Been Living a Lie

(If you are going to read any of this, please read all the way through.. otherwise, it defeats the purpose. thanks! love you all.)



This past Sunday night I had a deep, deep revelation. It wasn't a deliverance by any means; its something I have to trust and keep trusting and push through even when I can't see. But I WAS changed.

I realized I had been living a lie. A lie I realized no human had ever told me. So who, I asked, ever told me this lie? I gasped. It had to have been the father of lies, satan himself.

It had to have been. No human has ever told me I am ugly. I just looked in the mirror and believed it. I knew it. I knew it.

Its one of those things where I said, well, I know I am not the best looking creature on the earth. I know I am mediocre, and I can deal with that. If I just accept it, at least I won't look like a doof. If I let people know that I KNOW that I am not that beautiful, then they'll know I'm not living a lie, believing a lie, thinking that I am oh-so-pretty when I am just average. I wanted everyone to know I KNEW I was just average. BUT I was living a lie!

And honestly, it may be partly due to the "world"'s standard of beauty. In fact, I am sure it is part of it. But its not because THEY know or hollywood knows what beauty is- its because they were all told the same lie. Its because our vision is MESSED up. Its because we do not know what beauty is. Its like we can't even see. THAT is the problem. Its not that what they say is beautiful is beautiful- its that WE. CAN'T. SEE.

When my eyes opened to this reality on Sunday night, it was so freeing but so so so sad. I realized I was BLIND. I can't see how He sees.

So this is what happened. My husband was singing some spontaneous songs with his guitar by himself up front on stage, and there were just a few people left, scattered in the room, sitting in His presence. He started singing about the sons and about rising up. Then he started singing about the daughters and what God is saying to us. And how God takes us and shows us off to His angels and shows us off to the elders and the creatures. Heavenly beings in awe of His creation, of these humans that have CHOSEN His love. And in that picture, I pictured Him leading me around and showing me off to them. Saying this is my daughter, isn't she beautiful? And in that moment, I felt like I was. Because I realized something:

HE MADE ME.

HE MADE ME!

HE MADE ME.

I said it to myself over and over again. It was like I was really realizing it for the first time. I said it and said it and said it again. HE. MADE. ME.!

My eyes were literally opened. I sat there and it was like a lightbulb moment. My head was down and as I kept saying it my eyes got wider and my head lifted little by little. I REALIZED IT.

AND I REALIZED HE MADE ME. AND IF I REALLY BELIEVE THAT I HAVE TO BELIEVE THAT I AM BEAUTIFUL. AND WHILE MY NATURAL EYES MIGHT SEE ME AS LESS THAN AVERAGE LOOKING, THOSE STANDARDS ARE NOT REAL. THEY DO NOT EXIST. THEY DO NOT EXIST. I EXIST!!! THEY DO NOT!!!! They are made up!!! They are made up rules to the game of lies that satan loves to play with us. (when I say they do not exist, I do not mean they are not real issues we deal with, I just mean that they were not meant to exist from the beginning of time.)

THOSE STANDARDS ARE NOT REAL.

BEAUTY THIS WORLD SAYS IS BEAUTIFUL IS NOT REAL.

WE ARE ALL BEAUTIFUL.

And if I TRULY BELIEVE that HE is REAL, that the LIVING GOD IS REAL AND MADE THIS EARTH AND MADE MEEEE, then IT IS IMPOSSIBLE FOR ME TO BE UGLY. IT IS ABSOLUTELY 100% IMPOSSIBLE!!!!!!!

THIS LIE THAT SOME HUMANS ARE BEAUTIFUL AND SOME ARE UGLY IS FALSE. THERE IS NO SUCH THING!!!DON'T YOU GET IT? THIS STANDARD WAS MADE AFTER THE FALL. THIS STANDARD WAS MADE IN OUR OWN EYES. AND ITS ROOT IS THE LIES FROM SATAN THAT HAS SHAPED HISTORY AND SHAPED STANDARDS.

I can't make you have the same revelation as me. And its something I am still dealing with and processing in my head. I have to catch myself because I lived and believed this lie for so long I speak all these things and I realize that I have been speaking lies over myself. I have been questioning and questioning my beauty and all of it for what??? For WHAT?? I AM!! HE MADE ME AND I TRUST HIM AND IT IS IMPOSSIBLE FOR ME TO BE ANYTHING BUT BEAUTIFUL. And the way I look at other people has BEEN through this LIE!!! The way I judge others and their appearance has been through this lie. Oh wow she is so beautiful!! And ofhwow, she's so nice, but boy.. she's kinda homely.. :-( I will never look at people the same way again. NEVER. I AM WRONG. MY EYES ARE WRONG. I CANNOT SEE. I DO NOT KNOW WHAT BEAUTY IS!


I want to say so much more, but I fear I would just be stating the same things over again.

Its extremely hard to just post this as is because I just want to say it and say it and say it. HE.MADE. YOU. DO YOU BELIEVE THAT?? DO YOU BELIEVE IN THE TRUE AND LIVING GOD?? DO YOU BELIEVE THE LAMB WAS SLAIN BEFORE THE FOUNDATION OF THE WORLD??



If you do, then you have to know.

YOU. ARE. BEAUTIFUL.

The every day awakening.

I have not written in a while.. God has done so many amazing things. I got married in March; I love being married, it is such an adventure.
I was reading some scripture today and I was in Galatians. On my way to Galatians, a few verses in Ephesians caught my eye. When I was done in Galatians, I went back and read the same few verses a few times over.

NLT:
Living by the Spirit’s Power
15 So be careful how you live. Don’t live like fools, but like those who are wise. 16 Make the most of every opportunity in these evil days. 17 Don’t act thoughtlessly, but understand what the Lord wants you to do. 18 Don’t be drunk with wine, because that will ruin your life. Instead, be filled with the Holy Spirit, 19 singing psalms and hymns and spiritual songs among yourselves, and making music to the Lord in your hearts. 20 And give thanks for everything to God the Father in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ.

This sample of scripture is so simple. But yet it awakens in the deepest parts of me. I'm really not sure why. But it is such a basic explaination of what we are supposed to do. It is so black and white, and it is to the point. And I love it. And there is joy in my heart reading this; there is joy in my heart doing these things. This scripture alone creates such a deep longing in my heart. If we could just be obedient and LIVE these 5 verses, how much unitity would we walk in, how much grace, how much passion and fire, oh how we would stop struggling and be IN HIM. Being obedient to these 5 verses means you desire to please Him. It also means that you are satisfied in Him. And you KNOW that that is where you get ALL your joy, ALL your peace, ALL your strength. You are desperate. But you've come to a place where it is the NORM. So its easy. It's easy to look at this passage of scripture and say, 'YES, I CAN DO THAT. YES, LORD. YES.' Because there is nothing else for you.

I just love it. "Don't act thoughtlessly, but UNDERSTAND what the LORD wants you to do."

Are we in that communion where He is constantly able to speak? Or do we have to be in some sort of special setting or mindset and ask? Yes it is good to ask the Lord what to do. But sometimes we have to UNDERSTAND. We have to come to a place where THe HOLY SPIRIT is so WELCOMED in us that He is always able to speak without any stifling.
This is just such a joyful piece of scripture to me. I don't really know what the point of this is, (do I ever? lol) but I definitely felt compelled to write about this scripture. I really don't have anything else to say about any other part of it, other than... it awakens me.

I encourage you to have an every day awakening. Get to that place. It could be the simplest thing. But be open to Him changing you ever day to His mindset. Awakening you to something you've never seen before. It's so simple. Yet it is such a treasure.

Thank you Jesus, for the every day awakening. I love seeing new sides of You. You are too good to me and my sometimes lack of consistency. You pour out Your wisdom to me even when I don't deserve it. You are always with me, You are always speaking. You are always guiding me, and I see You. I follow You. Thank You for always having something to say to me. Thank You for awakening my heart to always understand You in every situation. To always be aware of You.

Count it all JOY...

James 1:2-4," 2 Dear brothers and sisters,when troubles come your way, consider it an opportunity for great joy. 3 For you know that when your faith is tested, your endurance has a chance to grow. 4 So let it grow, for when your endurance is fully developed, you will be perfect and complete, needing nothing."

I had a revelation this morning while talking to Lisa... and you know.. for us true believers, full of faith and authority in the Holy Spirit, TRULY knowing we have that, I think sometimes we forget this scripture. Most of the time, we that KNOW healing is possible AND probable, forget this. Most of the time, we sulk and we just want God to heal us, saying, "God, heal us! Even if we have to wait! Heal us! We know You can so do it! Man, I wish God would just healll meeee" But we never stop to think about this. We have brushed off, in the past, people that have said, "well maybe it's God's will for you to have cancer, or die," or whatever. We KNOW that is NOT the case! God desires healing and restoration for us. But we miss the bigger picture sometimes. We say we will wait for it, but we never think about counting it all JOY. We just want our problems, our situations, our uncomfortableness, or disease to just GOO AWAYYYYYY. And God desires that for us.
But look at what this scripture says. Consider it an OPPORTUNITY for great joy. When our faith is tested, our endurance has a chance to grow. So LET IT GROW, for when our endurance is fully developed, we will be perfect and complete, needing NOTHING.

When Jesus was dying on the cross, He could have had ten thousand angels to take His place. He had that authority. He had the POWER OF HEALING IN HIS HANDS FOR HIS OWN SELF. But He didn't. Why? So He could be made perfect and make perfection possible for us. He knew this concept. JESUS COUNTED IT ALL JOY.
Hebrews 12:2 We do this by keeping our eyes on Jesus, the champion who initiates and perfects our faith. Because of the joy set before Him, He endured the cross, disregarding its shame. Now He is seated in the place of honor beside God’s throne."
WOW. because of the JOY set before Him HE ENDURED THE CROSS. HE IS THE PERFECTER OF OUR FAITH!

This is exactly WHY we can do this. This is WHY we can count it all joy, and why every opportunity we have when trouble comes our way is like the Lord reaching out His hand, saying,"here, here's another opportunity toward perfection."

You guys, all bets were off when Jesus died and rose. We are without excuse, because He made a way for us. We are WITHOUT EXCUSE. The excuse that we are only human DOESN'T WORK. Jesus partook in our sufferings, and we partake in His. He was able to fully hear God as a man, and not falter! He OBEYED. He walked, He heard, and He obeyed, and He didn't choose to heal Himself even though He could. He COUNTED IT ALL JOY, SO THAT WHENEVER WE FACE VARIOUS TRIALS, IT WOULD NOT BE IMPOSSIBLE FOR US TO COUNT IT ALL JOY. He was made perfect and we can be made perfect too, IF WE KEEP TAKING THESE OPPORTUNITIES FOR OUR FAITH AND ENDURANCE TO GROW. THIS IS JUST another verse that says, "BE LIKE JESUS!!!"

He can do it. So can we. and our endurance will be GREAT. We are WITHOUT excuse if we have or do anything else!
So let's remember this, ALONG with the fact that the Lord heals, restores, redeems, and moves mountains, that that's just HALF of the job description. We are to do the same, but let's count it all joy instead of sulking and wishing He would take away all our troubles! For TRUE healing and the best kind of healing is when we are healed, but also come away with the endurance that was MEANT for us to receive out of it!
:-)

Leading by Example

Written January 28th, 2009, 10:07pm- myspace/facebook

You know the saying, "Do as I say, don't do as I do."?
Well.. that is such a cop-out. I'm not going to say that I THINK it's a cop-out. Because for a fact, it is.
That saying rids you of every single ounce of accountability that is required. It rids you of all responsibility.
People can argue this all they want, and say well, if I'm a leader, boss, instructor of some sort, authority of some sort, and say "well, if I mess up they shouldn't follow me." Well, THAT'S a given. Anybody with common sense KNOWS that.

1 Cor. 10:33- 1 Cor. 11:1 says, "I don't just do what is best for me; I do what is best for others so that many may be saved. Therefore, imitate me, as I imitate Christ."

Paul does NOT just say "Do what I preach, because God preaches through me, BUT DONT DO WHAT I DO!!" no, HE REALIZES that it is a HEAVY WEIGHT HE CHOSE to carry WHEN HE DECIDED TO PREACH THE GOSPEL OF CHRIST. NO, even BEFORE THEN. When He dedicated His life to Christ. WHEN HE SAW THE LIGHT.

Ephesians 5:1 says Imitate God in everything you do. It doesn't just say DO WHAT HE SAYS OR ELSE!!! No, God is GOOD and His character is good and God IS LOVE! and He ENDURES! So IMITATE WHAT YOU SEE, IMITATE HIM, FOR HE IS GOOD!

Another example is 1 Cor. 4:16.

There is so many times in the Bible where one person or another is beseeching you to imitate them! and it is ALWAYS FOLLOWED BY "FOR I IMITATE CHRIST!" it's never a "because I am the bomb and I wanna create my own following" type thing.

Man.. last night I was kind of just spending time with God in my room, and I asked Him, I was like GOD I wanna be like You sooo bad. Please show me You! Show me Your character God so I can be like You! I wanna know you!!! I wanna know You! I WANT TO KNOW YOUR CHARACTER, I HAVE TO HAVE IT!"
and IMMEDIATELY He said "then read 1 Corinthians 13."

SO. CHECK THIS OUT. THIS IS AMAZING.
verses 1-3
1 If I could speak all the languages of earth and of angels, but didn’t love others, I would only be a noisy gong or a clanging cymbal. 2 If I had the gift of prophecy, and if I understood all of God’s secret plans and possessed all knowledge, and if I had such faith that I could move mountains, but didn’t love others, I would be nothing. 3 If I gave everything I have to the poor and even sacrificed my body, I could boast about it;[a] but if I didn’t love others, I would have gained nothing.

EVEN GOD must hold to these standards. FOR HE IS LOVE. If He had not love, HE WOULD NOT HAVE GAINED US. (VERSE 3!!!) HE DID SACRIFICE HIS BODY! HE DID GIVE EVERYTHING HE HAD TO THE POOR! GOD GAVE HIS SON JESUS! JESUS SACRIFICED HIS BODY FOR US!! Without LOVE being the chords that tied HIM TO THE CROSS IT WOULD HAVE MEANT AND DONE ABSOLUTELY NOTHING!!!!!!!!

DON'T YOU GET IT!! THIS IS THE LAW OF THE UNIVERSE!!!! He could BOAST ABOUT IT TO SATAN EVEN! SAYING HA I GAVE MY BODY! but it would have MEANT NOTHING! IT WOULD NOT OF SAVED US FROM HELL!!! BECAUSE THIS IS THE LAW OF THE UNIVERSE!! WITHOUT LOVE YOU GAIN ABSOLUTELY NOTHING!!!
There would be NO RELATIONSHIP WITH US!! HIS DEATH WOULD HAVE BEEN IN VAIN! because it would have not established a relationship with us! He would have been like another dead lamb.
BUT HE LOVES US!!!!!!!! OH IT WAS LOVE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Verse 8: 8 Prophecy and speaking in unknown languages[b] and special knowledge will become useless. But love will last forever!

LOVE WILL LAST FOREVER. GOD IS LOVE! GOD LASTS FOREVER! GOD IS FOREVER!!! HE ENDURES ALL THINGS!!!! HOPES ALL THINGS! BELIEVES ALL THINGS!!! IT ALWAYS PROTECTS!

1 JOHN 4:16 GOD IS LOVE!!


LOVE leads by example.
LOVE leads by example.
LOVE doesn't say "Do as I say, don't do what I do."
LOVE says "WHATEVER IT TAKES, I WILL SHOW YOU THE WAY, I WILL BE GOOD AND RIGHT UNTIL IT HURTS, I WILL MAKE THE SACRIFICES I NEED TO TO SHOW.. YOU.. THE WAY... THROUGH THIS FIRE, I WILL GO, I WILL NOT TELL YOU TO GO THROUGH THE FIRE. I WILL BE IN THE FIRE, CALLING YOU TO COME IN WHILE I MYSELF AM ON MY WAY THROUGH."


Personally, I am at the place where I have always wanted to be. EVER SINCE I CAN REMEMBER!! EVERY SINCE I CAN REMEMBER SEEING OLDER TEENAGE GIRLS IN MY LIFE AND OLDER 20 SOMETHINGS IN MY LIFE I LONGGED to be an example!!!

and here I am... I am at such an amazing time in my life. All the tumult, all the raging seas, everything.. its so WORTH IT TO BE HERE, AND BE AN EXAMPLE IN THE FAITH!!!
to all my girls, YOU ARE ALL SO WORTH IT!! EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOU AND I LOVE YOU ALL!! And I want to continue to be an example to you ALL and all of you are GETTING IT!! YESS YOU ARE GETTING IT AND I LOVE THAT!!! AND I've shed so many tears for you all! You have no idea!!


MY HEART IS EXPLODING WITH SO MUCH JOY RIGHT NOW.
:-D
I love you all. :-)

Your Love Makes It Worth it All

This was written January 17, 2009 - Saturday - myspace/facebook
This looks SERIOUSLY LONG. REALLY REALLY LONG. But if you read it, I dont know, I think you'll be happy if you did. I think it's worth it. Maybe... lol. it depends on who you are.
But its really not that long.
I wanted it to read a little differently than it does, but oh well. It's okay. :-) It's a little choppier than I wanted it to be. I just get so stinkin excited!


Wow God is amazing. I just want to say one thing. If you don't get anything out of this except for one thing, I hope it's that GOD IS FAITHFUL AND HE HAS PROVEN HIMSELF FAITHFUL TO ME!!!
HE IS THE MOST FAITHFUL GOD!! I GUARANTEE YOU HE HAS BEEN SO FAITHFUL TO YOU!! I GUARANTEE YOU.

This analogy is pretty self-explanatory, so I'm sure you can fill in the blanks and get it in no time, even if I failed to mention some things about it.

[the lyrics that go with this are posted at the very bottom...]

I decided to listen to this song today driving home from Melbourne on 95. I've heard it before but that was either cleaning my room, or driving in the car with other people.
This time I really really heard it. I listened to it with purpose- I wanted to spend the car ride home with Him. and Boy did He ever show Himself Faithful.

First of all, when I was driving home, I got a glance on Wickham heading toward 95 of this big nasty fire cloud in the sky from a fire. And I totally thought it was like, in orlando or something. lol.
And I get on 95, and I start this song. And it's first a song, and then spontaneous at the end. (2 different tracks). And I started it because on the way It began and God just drew my heart in but I was at my destination so I couldn't really listen.
And anyway, I turn a corner on 95 shortly after I get on it. And in the distance, there is that fire. It's HUGE and honestly, it looked like it was on the East side of 95, in titusville, and it looked like all the onimous debris and clouds and smoke were hurling themselves right over 95. Visibility ahead looked ZERO.


Just as I saw this, I got this weird, eerie feeling, and was a little bit scared. But also a little excited to be driving into something like that. Scared, but adventurous. And I was thinking to myself, surely they wouldn't have a controlled burn on that side of 95, blowing right into it. Anyway, just as I saw it, a part in the song came to "No turning back, I've made up my mind, I'm giving all of my life this time..." and then "Your love makes it worth it, Your love makes it worth it all, Your love makes it worth it all..." and I know this sounds way weird and dramatic, but it was just so... weird. How the music, the words, correlated to what I was feeling inside when I saw this giant onimous fire cloud.
As I get closer, the song goes into this WHOLE 10 MINUTE SPONTANEOUS SONG ABOUT FIRE. ABOUT FIRE!!! about His fire and His love being like a fire and all of this!!!!
So I take my sunglasses off because they make everything yellow, and honestly, I could NOT STOP LOOKING AT THAT THING. My eyes were totally drawn to it.

And I'm freaking out.
and it goes, "Oh, I don't have to fear anything
'Cause Your love makes it worth it all, God.."
and then.. I turn a corner and the song is still going strong, you know.. and even though it looked like the fire was on the east side of 95... it was really on the left!!!
I turned the corner and I was so flabbergasted but relieved too, and it was blowing itself away from 95. and as I got closer, all this brush beside 95 had been a little scorched (controlled burn)...
So it continues, and as I get closer, these white birds are seriously swarming and swarming and twirling around the woods, and in the background is that pitch black fire smoke cloud. and I don't know if you have ever seen white birds flying around with a thunderstorm looming in the distance, but honestly, I think that is SO beautiful. Ha, and then the song is like, "do you dare, do you dare do you dare look into the flames of love" haha...

So, it ended up being on the other side of 95, and the pathway of 95 was completely blue and clear. SO BEAUTIFUL. and as I got closer, I ended up right next to it, I'd say it was only a couple miles from 95. But as I got closer and almost exactly parrellel, at least to the smoke and stuff, the sun disappeared. You could see the haze of it, but the smoke was all yellow and black.
And I was like, man, what a sight!!!
And I was like wow, the sun is hidden.
(As I got right next to the fire, the song goes,"those flames are a consuming fire.." over and over and over again.

As I got past the fire, I look over and see the SUN is right beside me. Clear. No smoke whatsoever surrounding it. And its amazing in all its brilliance.
It's funny because on the way down there in the morning, I was almost weeping in the car at the sun. Just how He made it and how He thought of US and He keeps us here, and how He spoke it all into existence and how in the beginning was the Word and the Word was with God and the Word was God.
And so JOY was filled within me because the sun was SO BEAUTIFUL after I saw it in the smoke and fiery haze, and then outside of it with the flames looming in the distance.

and then, about at the port st john exit, I turned my head and looked back and guess what it looked like this time?
It looked like the fire was in the middle of the road. It looked like it was smack dab in the middle of I-95. And I LAUGHED.

when I began my journey, I KNEW God was teaching and showing me something through it all.
And I know many can draw many analogies from this, but this is what I got... and it matches me perfectly.

When life comes, and when these wilderness experiences come, and these trials come, and the unexpected happens, you see the road ahead and you see what it looks like and what it APPEARS.. APPEARS to be. And you know you're in for a long huge ride through OMINOUS clouds and you dont know whats ahead but you're frightened but a little bit excited, even if you don't like change all that much, it excites you a little that you know change is coming, because after all, look in the distance, I'm about to go through this unknown smokey gloomy thing up ahead and who knowwwws it might be my house on fire or a gasoline explosion or who knows what!!! and all these things go through your head what you think is on the road and what you think it will be like and you prepare best you can, but lets face it, its here, its now, so what you have with you and on your back is really all you have, and you can't really do anything about it BECAUSE YOU'RE ALREADY ON YOUR WAY, you're already on the journey.

ohh man.
And when you take that turn where 1/4 of the road is behind you and you can see a little clearer, you can see that wow, its not as bad as I thought, this character building isnt that bad, and I was soo scared but now that I'm here, I WANT what He has for me in this season, who knows, what if I had turned back because of fear??
This isn't so bad. The look of it is still ominous, and the sun is SOO hiding! but you know what, even though there's not an end in sight right now, I know that its going to be okay.

And then when you get up next to it, you start to see the beauty in the pain and in the suffering and in the character building and you see the chaff burning away and the beautiful expressions of HIS character coming out and swirling around all the dingy dirty crap thats come to the surface in this pruning journey.
The sun is hiding, but you know what, the end is in sight and just a little longer to go and you're home free.

And then...
before you know it, you look next to you.. and there is the sun. RIGHT NEXT TO YOU. AND ITS BEEN NEXT TO YOU THIS WHOLE TIME!!!

The SON is RIGHT NEXT TO YOU!!!!!
and then as the journey of freedom continues, you look back after a little healing time and see WOAH. I WENT THROUGH CRAP! A LOT OF CRAP! A LOT OF CRAZY THINGS I NEVER THOUGHT I'D MAKE IT THROUGH!!! HA! and you LAUGH AT IT even though from hidsight it looks even worse than when you were going into it!! lol.

Wow, this whole revelation was just.. wow.. exactly what I had been through since 2008 began. It was just amazing to see it played out like that and portrayed in such a vivid way.

HE IS AN ALL-CONSUMING FIRE, AND I WANT HIS HEART!! I LONG FOR HIS HEART, HIS CHARACTER, AND YOU KNOW WHAT?? I AM GOING TO GET IT.

And tonight Pastor Roger said something when he was preaching that made me see this in my mind's eye...and I was thinking about my Jesus dying on that cross.. how the grave couldn't hold Him...
that lyric played over and over in my head, "Your love makes it worth it, Your love makes it worth it all, Your love makes it worth it all..."

and I just pictured my Jesus... and it's like He laughs at me, looking at me, thinking how JOYFUL it is that I am here where I'm at because of what He Himself did for me on the cross. He sees me, looks at me, and LAUGHS. HE LAUGHS!!!! As He sees me and looks at me He smiles and is as light as a feather as He sees me in the light of the cross! In the filter of the cross! In the shadow of the CROSS!
And thats when He sings to me, "your love, Lauren, makes it worth it all."
He looks back and HE LAUGHS!!!!

HALLELUJAH!!

THIS IS A LOVE LIKE NO OTHER!

TRIALS ARE AMAZING, and I know thats dangerous to say...
but they are. You don't always say that during them. or before them.
But after, wow, everything will be amazing afterward. Wow.

Embrace what He is taking you through because there is ALWAYS a finish line and you won't be in that season, that trial FOREVER. Embrace times of learning, embrace all He teaches you AND THE WAY HE TEACHES YOU. IT CAN BE SO AMAZING.
even the fear is amazing, in a sort of way!
Wow.

KIM WALKER- "I SURRENDER" AND "SPONTANEOUS IV" (myspace.com/kimwalker. you can also listen to these songs on my myspace as well.)
There is no love sweeter than the love You pour on me
There is no song sweeter than the song You sing to me
There is no place that I would rather be
Than here at Your feet laying down everything

All to You I surrender
Everything, every part of me
All to You I surrender
All of my dreams, all of me

If worship's like perfume, I'll pour my mine out on You
For there is none as deserving of my love like You
So take my hand and draw me into You
I want to be swept away, lost in love for You

All to You I surrender
Everything, every part of me
All to You I surrender
All of my dreams, all of me

Oh, I surrender
Oh, I surrender
Oh, I surrender
Oh, I surrender

No turning back, I've made up my mind
I'm giving all of my life this time
No turning back, I've made up my mind
I'm giving all of my life this time

Your love makes it worth it
Your love makes it worth it all
Your love makes it worth it all

Oh, I don't have to fear anything
'Cause Your love makes it worth it all, God
I can so willingly lay everything down at your feet
'Cause Your love makes it worth it all

This is what we're made for
This is what we're born for
Your love Your love
Your love Your love
Your love Your love

I wanna know it more
I wanna feel it more
I wanna see it more
Oh God, take us in to the Holy Place
Where we see You face to face
and behold Your love
Behold His love
Behold His love
Behold His love

Shining brighter than any star, than any star
Your love is stronger than anything
Your love is bigger, its greater
oh Your love, Your love Your love
Behold His love
Oh look straight into the eyes of love tonight
the flames of love that burn in His eyes
Oh the flames of love that burn in His eyes for you
Oh the flames of love that burn in His eyes


Oh do you dare
Do you dare
Do you dare look into the eyes of love tonight
leaving everything else behind
Oh eyes that burn with the flames of love
Eyes that burn with the flames of love
Eyes that burn with the flames of love
Eyes that burn
Eyes that burn
Eyes that burn

Do you dare
Will you be bold as a lion
and go, go look deep into the eyes of love
will you leave everything behind
to look deep into the eyes of love

Eyes that burn with flames of love
Eyes that burn with flames of love

And those flames are a consuming fire
those flames are a consuming fire
those flames are a consuming fire

they will burn in me
come and burn in me, God
come and burn in me
Oh come and burn

All consuming fire
Come burn in me
Come burn in me

All consuming fire
Our God is an all consuming fire
oh yeah

Come burn in me
come burn in me

For I will be as bold as a lion
i will look straight into the eyes of love and say
come burn in me
come burn in me
come burn in me
all consuming fire
come burn in me
come burn in me

Fire that can't be tamed
Fire that won't be put in a box
fire that won't be contained
fire that won't be put out
an all consuming fire

come burn in me
come burn in me
come burn in me

EVEN NOW.

(the true point of me writing this blog begins at the "But")

Today I was driving, well, earlier I had been listening to this one cd, but then I couldn't find it. When I got to the church to do some work, I put in one and just listened. It was a Justin Rizzo Onething DVD I put onto a cd. plus "Saviour King"

But I became addicted this morning to the first little Rizzo song on there and its kind of a spontaneous "You Reign" part.. and I just was so stirred by it and just exploded with PRAISE to Him.

But as I was driving it was like each time I heard it I got new revelation. I was driving, almost time for work, and I just felt the sun so bright on my face and it was just amazing, I love Him loving on me! I love Him calling me clean and bright and I love His brightness and the sun shining warm upon my face. It's so amazing when He does that and you KNOW its Him.

Well I after I got to work, my boss had me go to the post office. I am so thankful for those opportunities to get out of the office. I ABSOLUTELY HATE COUNTRY MUSIC. (for a continuation of this that I ranted about music, go below. I cut it out because it wasn't where i was going, but i did put it at the end of this blog.)

But I popped in this same cd, and there's a part in this song that says :"Around Your throne, around Your throne even now, God, Around Your throne, around Your throne even now, twenty-four elders, four living creatures, gathered around Your throne even now, singing holy holy holy, holy holy holy is the One upon the throne. Even now, around Your throne, twenty-four elders, four living creatures, crying holy. holy, crying holy is the Lord."

And you know... it's so TRUE. As I was driving I began to have that revelation. EVEN NOW. THIS VERY MOMENT. NIGHT AND DAY THEY SING. And they HAVE sang! Even now, with all of this garbage, business, and heaviness on this earth, with everything going on, with everyone with their problems, that make it seem like the earth should just STOP until you catch your breath, with all the disappointments, with all the heartbreaks, with all the births and the deaths.. with all the happiness and joys and all the perversions and all the injustices and all the wrong-doings and the wicked prospering, and the wicked perishing, with people getting away with heinous sin, with the world ticking ticking ticking with the righteous falling, and the Godly compromising and settling..

THEY SING.

THEY SING!

THEY SING.

and they don't stop.

It's so amazing to me. They don't even give a crap about what is going on on this earth, all their focus is on IS ON HIM. It makes everything thats going on, even the most amazing and joyous... it makes it seem like NOTHING. because what they are doing IS the meaning of it all.

While we search for our lives to have meaning, while we do this and we do that and everything else... They sing. EVEN NOW. EVEN NOW. EVEN NOW. Nothing breaks their song. EVEN NOW THEY SING.

EVEN NOW THEY SING.

THE PRAISE NEVER STOPS RISING, NO MATTER WHAT TRAVESTY IS GOING ON ON THIS FILTHY EARTH!!! It all seems so futile and meaningless when you think about that!

When they're singing that EVEN NOW, AND ALWAYS, I ask yourself.. what are you giving yourself to thats completely POINTLESS? POOINNNTLESSSSS???? come on. I challenge you. :-)

(THIS IS WHERE THE BREAK BEGAN AT THE TOP OF THE PAGE WHEN MY RANT STARTED THAT I HAD TO CUT OUT AND PASTE HERE SINCE IT DIDNT GO ALONG WITH MY BLOG.. WELL I GUESS IT DOES... TO A CERTAIN DEGREE.. WITH THE WHOLE POINTLESS THING)

-----

music rant.:

[County Music] IS THE DUMBEST THING ON THIS PLANET, and I don't know how ANYONE listens to anything but at LEAST watered down "Christian" music- after being in an atmosphere of Him and His throne, I really seriously do not know how anyone who's experienced His presence can listen to garbage, I don't care who its by or what the stupid song is. I don't NEED anything but this. Plain and simple. I'm not looking for anything else, I have it. And i don't know, why would you want to go anywhere else for anything else. If you already have it... why would you go looking at an outside source for a certain feeling or emotion a certian type of music or band provokes (believe me, I was there) or for "inspiration" or whatever. I think we all know by now that it doesn't take listening to some band for inspiration to blast off. I know there's enternainment but WHEN will we grow up...its like it keeps going back and forth and back and forth. Just make a decision!!!!!!!!!! Either we throw out all our movies and music that doesn't please God, and then after a few months of that we get them right back out again and stuff, and keep going through the same crazy cycle.. or we just grow some faith and a face like flint and actually do what we SET OUT TO DO. ughhh.

crap in, crap out. mediocrity in, mediocrity out. "just a little bit" in... "just a little bit" out. pointlessness in... pointlessness out. Come on guys, CORN teaches us this process!!!! (haha.. ew..lol) but really! I dont care how whatever it is.

I guess it all has to do what you're after. and its a hard pill to swallow, but its true. You can tell me you know what you're doing all you want, and you're completely after Him and you understand all that,and that its unfair to say you aren't completely after the things of Him and His heart if you listen to that stuff, but let's be real. ITS NOT FAIR-- TO HIM!@ ITS NOT UNFAIR TO YOU! I wish we would all just grow HIS HEART.

When we do this cycle we obviously aren't getting something from Him right now that we ARE from whatever we're listening to. I mean, thats the obvious reason, right?

So I challenge you today, search your heart and ASK yourself WHAT am I getting from this that i'm not getting from God right now? What am I getting from this music? WHY do I listen to it? what are the reasons?

It's completely pointless.

A Comment from Hannah Rene:

I don't know....its such a battle between the MUSIC....my gosh, one day all I want is throneroom and then the next i am listening to the emotional feel-good stuff. WHY. I know its because I do get something from that that Im not currently getting from Him, but WHY, when He can SO outdo the world! I just wish He could blow us away to the point that we take one look or listen at the former things and feel like throwing up. But that leaves me hopeless, because He has done that before, and where am I now? Back where I started. Is NOTHING MEANT TO LAST?! I just want something that doesn't fade!!! He HAS blown ME away to the point I did not want ANYTHING of the world. But why did it fade and now I'm back listening to music that sounds so incredible but isn't really doing much for my spirit. ...It's CONSTANTLY a battle for me... I honestly do not believe that there is anything wrong with that music (the kind that's sort of just "there" ...) but WHAT IS IT DOING for me? That's the question I need to ask. More important what IS IT DOING FOR HIM and for eternity. I hate to think that every song I listen to like that could be ...a brick on my mansion, or just a waste of precious time. IT'S SO HARD TO BE FOCUSED. Esp. when everyone around you is in the same place you are. Wishing they could focus. That stuff sounds so good...but so does the throneroom. WAYYYY BETTER. I think if we could be willing to lay down the earthly sounds even for a period of time, we could access the throneroom on a different level and bring heaven to earth that doesn't outdo the world with THE WORLD'S OWN SOUNDS, but out-does the world with COMBATTING, with the contrast, the opposite, HEAVEN'S SOUNDS. You can't beat the world by taking worldly things and twisting them into "Christian" that just sucks and you look like a loser. But let me tell you ...heaven can so outdo the world.
AHHHH

You can make me like You

("Take me to that place, Lord, to that secret place where I can be with You, and You can make me like You!"-----> full lyrics at bottom, after scripture references.)

(this was written back when I was still saying "freaking"... ha..)

There's a desperation inside of me that longs to be like Him.
Not the desperation for man to see or for the motives of man.
But to be like Him. For His purposes. And when that happens... You will automatically be used. in people's lives. By Him. For Him.

It's like.. I need it so bad. Or I know I'll die.

I don't want to be anything else but so with His heart and so completely soaring. I want my face to shine it, I want my talk to preach it, I want my actions to show it, and I want my heart to love it.

I don't know how many times I've said it. But its because I can't get out of this. I don't want out of it.

I love this source. This great source of strength. This source of who I am. If I don't so deeply penetrate the heart of the Father with my love for Him... if I don't so ravishingly exemplify and show and completely pierce the darkness of the room I walk in and completely show who I am in Him just by His presence on me... then I don't want to be me. If it became impossible for me to do that and impossible for Him to ever do that in me... then I don't want this. I don't want any of it. Because its pointless. I know "all striving ceases" and yes thats true to a certain degree. But if I've come as far as I can go, then its pointless. If I've lived almost 21 years and this is where I stop, I'd rather not have any of it. Yes it may sound foolish. But I CANT STAY HERE.

I'm sure people told Joseph that it was stupid and foolish for him to want them to take his bones out of Egypt and into the promised land. but HE COULDNT STAY THERE. not even if he was dead and dry! He wouldn't even let his BONES rot there in the land full of dead and chains and spiritually dark people. HIS BONES.. thats how serious he was. and its how serious I am.

I will NOT stay here. I am growing and I will continue to grow. I will NOT stay here. if I stay here it's a waste of my time. I will NOT settle. I will NOT compromise. I will not settle for anything less than what my heart is crying out for. Than the WAY HE MADE ME. TO HAVE SO MUCH MORE OF HIM! I will NOT settle for less of Him and more of whatever the heck it is I think i want to do in this life. what the heck ever.

(Gen. 50:25, Exodus 3:19, Joshua 4:32, Hebrews 11:22)

Joseph KNEW God was going to take his people out and into the promised land. He didn't care when it was, he just knew he had to go. He couldn't stay there, dead or alive.

I mean, I want SO MUCH OF HIM that even my very smile reflects it. I want to reflect so much purity and cleanliness and whiteness that its so bright...that it is completely bright and so THERE.

I want it not just for "selfish reasons".. I want it so i can be completely used. Every single moment. Every single second. Every time lately I've opened my mouth and began to speak, I am astonished at where I've come from. He has trained me, He has helped me so much. but it is ONLY FOR HIS GLORY, and ONLY FOR THE KINGDOM. I cannot speak with the tongues of heirarchy, I would only sound foolish! I cannot lingo with the rest of them with speech that sounds wise and words that demonstrate knowledge and a clear mind and tongue. I cannot. I CANNOT. Because I cannot eloquently state what He has done for me in my life. It's brutal- brutal to the kingdom of darkness. Sure I can sit down and write and tell. But it's never enough. Its NEVER enough to just explain. But He has given me WORDS. He has given me words! I can speak in the way He wants me to speak! It's nothing that I "know"! It's all Him and I give Him all the glory for changing me in the secret place just as He has promised. I DONT WANT TO STAY THE SAME! and to be honest I very well could! But I DO NOT WANT TO!

I want this community to seek the kingdom of heaven so bad. I want to go forth and completely wreck people's hearts with the love of Jesus. I was talking with a friend today and I'm completely pumped up but also a little bit contemplative because it's like HOW GOD, we've soaked up SO much of You and Your presence, and now its TIME to go out and just stop whatever... and I'm sitting here WITH His presence and WITH His likeness and yes He's using me but not the capacity I WANT, AND not corperately for this city. How many times can you pray for breakthrough and pray to break this spiritual stronghold and that one before you just get SICK of it and so does God! Just go out, you've prayed for their hearts already! They're yours, they're ready for me, just goooo they're waiting for my love!

and thats the thing. We've got to USE whats inside of us. Otherwise we WILL be getting all of this while looking inward. And thats not what this blog is about- I know it sounds like a lot about me, but really..

I can't go on without more. But I can't go on WITH more if we don't get off our butts coorperately and GO. where's the heart anymore? Mines right where it was. The only difference is... its larger, stronger, and more like Him.

FACE LIKE FLINT.

But to wrap all of this up, I've been thinking and reading a lot lately about in Psalms and Isaiah and Jeremiah how they all talk about the wicked prospering and the righteous perishing.. and sometimes I can't help but wonder that too. I can't help it. But I'm always brought back to this: Jeremiah 12:(read it at the bottom)

Jeremiah is sitting there complaining about it all. His heart is hurt, and rightfully so. We see it happening before our eyes in America, the big wigs, in the world, with poverty, with people so desperate for Him and all it just gets shoved in their face for being righteous because at the end of the day they have no stinking food to even go the next day and seek Him. (But YES He does provide miraculously.)

But its those ironies of life. "It's a WHY GOD thing. Why do I keep getting SHOVED BACK when YOU SAID that you were going to keep me on a FIRM FOOTING and not let me have to start all freakin' over and here I AM. WHAT THE HECK ARE YOU GOING TO DO WITH YOUR SERVENT NOW??"

But this..THIS is our answer from OUR GOD. OUR GOD IS FAITHFUL!!!:
first off He starts out in verse 5 saying Okay, this is how it will benefit you: your talk is cheap, buddy, and you say you are so strong in Me, but look, your whining about this! if you are worn our from racing with men, how will you ever race with horses and chariots and defeat them!? how is there even any competition there? if you are stumbling in this seeminly easy land I've given you, how in the world are you going to walk through the thickets and the brush and the mud and the gunk thats to come?? GROW FREAKIN' UP!!!!!!"

and verse 14-17 it says He only lets the wicked prosper for a season, and its FOR HIS GLORY!!! its for HIS GLORY!! because then since theyve had so much, when they begin to have very little and be stripped of their land... there's where God steps in and restores them. He restores them and there they are. they learn to be His. its for His glory.

One thing's for sure: I am after His heart! I am after it and I am determined to have it.its a great place to be... but you can't force yourself there. you have to WANT IT.

Here is Job 23:10-12.

10 But he knows the way that I take;
when he has tested me, I will come forth as gold.

11 My feet have closely followed his steps;
I have kept to his way without turning aside.

12 I have not departed from the commands of his lips;
I have treasured the words of his mouth more than my daily bread

Jeremiah 12
Jeremiah's Complaint
1 You are always righteous, O LORD,
when I bring a case before you.
Yet I would speak with you about your justice:
Why does the way of the wicked prosper?
Why do all the faithless live at ease?

2 You have planted them, and they have taken root;
they grow and bear fruit.
You are always on their lips
but far from their hearts.

3 Yet you know me, O LORD;
you see me and test my thoughts about you.
Drag them off like sheep to be butchered!
Set them apart for the day of slaughter!

4 How long will the land lie parched [a]
and the grass in every field be withered?
Because those who live in it are wicked,
the animals and birds have perished.
Moreover, the people are saying,
"He will not see what happens to us."

God's Answer
5 "If you have raced with men on foot
and they have worn you out,
how can you compete with horses?
If you stumble in safe country, [b]
how will you manage in the thickets by [c] the Jordan?

6 Your brothers, your own family—
even they have betrayed you;
they have raised a loud cry against you.
Do not trust them,
though they speak well of you.

7 "I will forsake my house,
abandon my inheritance;
I will give the one I love
into the hands of her enemies.

8 My inheritance has become to me
like a lion in the forest.
She roars at me;
therefore I hate her.

9 Has not my inheritance become to me
like a speckled bird of prey
that other birds of prey surround and attack?
Go and gather all the wild beasts;
bring them to devour.

10 Many shepherds will ruin my vineyard
and trample down my field;
they will turn my pleasant field
into a desolate wasteland.

11 It will be made a wasteland,
parched and desolate before me;
the whole land will be laid waste
because there is no one who cares.

12 Over all the barren heights in the desert
destroyers will swarm,
for the sword of the LORD will devour
from one end of the land to the other;
no one will be safe.

13 They will sow wheat but reap thorns;
they will wear themselves out but gain nothing.
So bear the shame of your harvest
because of the LORD's fierce anger."

14 This is what the LORD says: "As for all my wicked neighbors who seize the inheritance I gave my people Israel, I will uproot them from their lands and I will uproot the house of Judah from among them. 15 But after I uproot them, I will again have compassion and will bring each of them back to his own inheritance and his own country. 16 And if they learn well the ways of my people and swear by my name, saying, 'As surely as the LORD lives'-even as they once taught my people to swear by Baal—then they will be established among my people. 17 But if any nation does not listen, I will completely uproot and destroy it," declares the LORD.

By Michael Gungor

There is a God who loves me
Who wraps me in His arms
That is the place where I'm changed
That is where I belong

Take me to that place Lord
To that secret place where
I can be with You
You can make me like You
Wrap me in Your arms
Wrap me in Your arms
Wrap me in Your arms

There is a God who loves me
Who wraps me in His arms

A song only the redeemed can sing

August 24, 2008 - Sunday

A song only the redeemed can sing I can't help but write a blog about this song. This song is so amazing. It's so my heart. It sounds like some of the language I use in some of my songs.. (not the minor sound, though..) (*** FULL LYRICS POSTED BELOW 1 PET. VERSE) (SONG BY KRISTENE MUELLER. GO TO MY MYSPACE TO LISTEN TO THE SONG AND TO LINK TO HER MYSPACE.) I just love every single word. I love that it's so true that We DO sing songs the angels only dream of singing. I listen to it (go listen to it while you read!) I listen to it and I picture.. well, myself... I picture me coming from the fire. In slow-motion, Mission Impossible style. Or like my buddies Shadrack Meshack and Abednigo. But I do. I picture such a ransomed.. me in all of these lyrics, in the whole song. Because.. "I know what it means!" (part of the lyrics.) I see myself outside in that storm it talks about... and it just stops. And my head open to heaven. Oh so glorious! Some times I guess I wonder in my head... what would it be like to not be the fallen race? To be an angel created by God for God (which, I mean, we were created by God and for God..) but you know what I mean? To live an existence in heaven. And to make war for His peoples. And I know angels have fallen and did fall- I get that, but we are the fallen race. We don't live an existence in heaven. We are here. we are now. And He died for us. He DIED for us. And we have been redeemed. And the angels look on us in awe at the way we worship Him. At the fact that we HAVE been redeemed. and CAN be redeemed. But they look and they see something... a relationship that is so uniquely different than the one they can have. We fight and we charge and we make it and we press through with hardships and with joys and with life. We pray and we cry and we weep and we laugh. And here we are. They are watching, with all who have gone before us, "What are they going to do now?" (1 Peter 1:6-8... posted below.) I quoted it before i knew where it was... lol.. wow. We sing the songs of His faithfulness and His great love and redemption. And we can. because we know what it means. We know what the redemption means. Because We've been redeemed. We've been REDEEMED. RANSOMED. We are His TREASURE. His treasured church. Hallelujah! the song of the storm ceasing.. the song of the dawn breaking...the song of us coming up out of death- we were once DEAD and if He can save us from DEATH and HELL than He can freakin' make us like Him more and more with each passing day! Than He can surely aid is in the fight against lukewarmness! Against being comfy cosy in our graveclothes! Some of you still find the old life you left behind attractive! No you canNOT change the past. But why talk about how glorious it is/was? Do you not believe in your own salvation? Even the ANGELS cant sing the songs of salvation!! the song of my last tear falling.. the song of my rescue coming... the song of the undefeated lover coming forth from the fire... I will NOT be defeated in my love for Him. The fire and the flames, they will not quench me. They will not dy me up, pass me out, barbecue me, they will not snuff me out. Because I AM an undefeated LOVER because He has saved me from HELL and the grave! He has taken the hell that satan would have loved to put INSIDE of me and He allowed it not to enter my heart! He took me out of hell and hell out of me! Some of you need a fresh revelation because do you get it? WE ARE HIS PEOPLE. we ARE HIS PEOPLE. HE SINGS SONGS OF SALVATION OVER US! suffering making love genuine sorrow making joy reckless losing making finding glorious. Oh how He loves you so. Oh how He loves us so! It never freakin' ends!! It's like an earthquake inside all of us. Will you let it shake you? Will you let yourself LOOK and appear to the world "dumb enough" to "shake" as with the effects of that earthquake exploding inside of you? Will you let your appearance just GO and take hold of the beauty He has in His hand for you? You are a beautiful creation even the angels marvel at you, human! and you were made a step lower from the angels! Is it not enough? What more could you ask for?? The beauty is already there. DON'T STIFLE IT. Get the picture. And sing the song only you were meant to sing!! 1 Peter 1:6-12 So be truly glad.[b] There is wonderful joy ahead, even though you have to endure many trials for a little while. 7 These trials will show that your faith is genuine. It is being tested as fire tests and purifies gold—though your faith is far more precious than mere gold. So when your faith remains strong through many trials, it will bring you much praise and glory and honor on the day when Jesus Christ is revealed to the whole world. 8 You love him even though you have never seen him. Though you do not see him now, you trust him; and you rejoice with a glorious, inexpressible joy. 9 The reward for trusting him will be the salvation of your souls. 10 This salvation was something even the prophets wanted to know more about when they prophesied about this gracious salvation prepared for you. 11 They wondered what time or situation the Spirit of Christ within them was talking about when he told them in advance about Christ's suffering and his great glory afterward. 12 They were told that their messages were not for themselves, but for you. And now this Good News has been announced to you by those who preached in the power of the Holy Spirit sent from heaven. It is all so wonderful that even the angels are eagerly watching these things happen. Lyrics. BY KRISTENE MUELLER. LINK TO HER MYSPACE ON MY MYSPACE PROFILE SONG. There is a song I will sing that angels only dream of singing a song that moves the heart of God that only the redeemed can sing a song of the storm ceasing a song of the dawn breaking a song of the undeafeted soul coming forth from the grave its a song of my last tear falling a song of my rescue coming a song of the undefeated lover coming forth from the fire and i will sing of Your great faithfulness I KNOW i will sing of Your salvation and i will sing of the power of redemption for I know i will know what it means suffering making love genuine sorrow making joy reckless losing making finding glorious the song of the storm ceasing the song of the dawn breaking the song of the undefeated soul coming forth from the grave its a song of my last tear falling a song of my rescue coming a song of the undefeated lover coming forth from the fire I love singing of His great faithfulness!! He is so faithful!!